


Kyle Dies at the End

by Rumoris



Category: South Park
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-04-20 05:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14253771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rumoris/pseuds/Rumoris
Summary: Kyle thought he was ready for any kind of catastrophe life threw at him. Giant attack robots, zoologicaly dubious creatures, cults... Name anything, he probably had a plan on how to survive that encounter. However, he glossed over the most obvious possibility of dying. While he survived the encounter, his soul is now stuck outside his body without any idea on how to get back.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a fairly normal day.

 

            They followed their usual daily pattern and met at their usual bus stop in their usual attires. All of them, with the exception of Stan. Kyle hesitantly looked down the street hoping to see the familiar red pompom running toward them but nothing. He shook a little when the wind carried the sound of sirens in the distance. They couldn’t see the car but its screams echoed through the streets creating disharmony in the silence of that morning.

“I hope nothing bad happened,” Kyle muttered under his breath fiddling with the straps of his backpack.

“I’m sure everything is okay.” Kenny tried to calm him.

“Yeah.Whatever.” Cartman shrugged next to them. He never really cared until the problem didn’t affect him in directly and frankly, Stan’s disappearance was nothing unusual. It happened from time to time with everything resolving itself in a few days.

            Or when Kyle decided to take a step towards a solution.

“You should show some empathy, fatass. It’s not like he is doing this on purpose!” Kyle snapped at him but his opinions found deaf ears. Cartman just kept staring at his phone, occasionally glancing around for the bus. He didn’t even take time to answer or annoy Kyle the way he used to.

            The bus arrived minutes late, but Stan was still nowhere to be seen. Kyle anxiously looked to the direction his house stood. He anxiously checked his wristwatch.

“We should wait. I have a bad feeling about this.”

            Kenny stepped back from the stairs, looking at Kyle.

“What’s wrong Kenny? Do you want to skip school that badly?” asked Eric.

“Heh. Of course not! But I agree with him. We should wait a bit more.”

“Agree with _who_ exactly?” Eric raised a brow questioningly. He was losing Kenny, or vice versa. “Look, Kenny you can stay here and do like those guys from that book we were tricked into reading, but I’ll leave you here.”

            Kenny gave the redhead an apologetic look as if trying to say, everything is going to be okay. Kyle gave an annoyed huff. He was disappointed about his lack of influence over the group’s decisions, but still followed them to his usual seat.

            Nobody seemed to greet him as he walked to his usual place.

 

It was a fairly normal day… except nobody seemed to acknowledge his existence.

 

            It seemed that the world had something against him that day. Nobody greeted him, nobody answered his questions or reacted to his parts of the conversation. He went unnoticed by everyone but Kenny, who earned several scornful glances from their classmates.

            He tried to keep calm; after all, shitty pranks like this one were not unusual and happened more than often, though not at this scale. He went on, sitting at his seat in the front row, resting his head on the table. The day was already off to a bad start.

            Stan was still absent. Kyle could only hope that nothing happened to him on his way to school. he found himself hoping that Stan was at home in his bed, trying to fight off another wave of depression. Not the best scenario he could imagine. But at least, he would know his whereabouts and the state he was in.

            However his biggest fears seemed to come true on that very day when PC Principal stepped into the room. Even behind the principal sunglasses, Kyle could feel that the man was not happy. He couldn’t hide the rest of his face, after all. Furthermore, he lacked his usual zest.

            The principal stood in front of the class and hesitated. In the end, he cleared his throat and uncharacteristically, took off his sunglasses unveiling his concerned expression.

“As much as I hate this, it is my duty to announce that student Kyle Broflovski got into an accident and was hit by a car this morning. Marsh, your classmate, went with him to the hospital. He was not injured. If we can believe what he’d said, you classmate’s condition is critical, but stable.” he paused, looking around to measure up the reactions to his words. “Right now we have to hope for the best…”

_And prepare for the worst_ , he was about to say, but stopped himself. Several students were already looking at him like he had just announced the death of Broflovski.

 

            Kyle was shaking, trying to progress the information. If this was a prank, then it was a terrible one, especially because it involved Stan, out of all people. No, Stan would never play cruel tricks on him. Which leaves only one option, he is in hospital. A car hit him. He is either dreaming this… No, this can’t be a dream. If a car hit him, he wouldn’t be dreaming about it. Chances are, he wouldn’t even remember the accident.

“But I’m here… I’m sitting right here.” he told the principal in strained voice.

            _Kenny…!_ Kenny talked to him. He was aware of Kyle’s presence!

            His eyes immediately searched for Kenny as he turned to the boy. They exchanged terrified glances. Kenny’s mouth was open, but he was rendered speechless. Pure terror appeared on his face as he connected the dots, but Kyle jumped out of his seat and ran out of the classroom before Kenny truly understood what just happened.

            He pushed back his chair with a creak and rushed after Kyle. Leaving confused classmates in his wake.

 

It was a fairly normal day, but Kyle was dying.


	2. Semi-Transparent

            As Kenny ran through the school his mind was thrown into chaos. His thoughts raced and left common sense all alone in the dust.

             He knew that their world was not without its own supernatural happenings, at the same time the fact that now it involved Kyle made a shiver run down his spine. It was the most unlikely possibility and yet here they are now. Kenny is trying to hunt down his best friend who turned into a ghost for unknown reasons.

 

            His brown boots echoed in the empty hallway as he kept running past classrooms. Kyle didn’t go home, neither had he left the school. Kenny knew him better than that.

            The redhead probably chose the first logical hiding spot and rushed to a bathroom. Not the nearest bathroom, he had checked that already and it probably stayed out of Kyle’s tunnel vision. In the end, he’d checked everything that crossed his way, even peeked into the girls’ bathroom just to make sure. In the end, his instinct led him to the bathroom near the cafeteria.

            Kyle hunched over one of the toilets, holding the seat as if he was waiting for something to bubble up from his stomach. With shallow breaths, Kyle’s back raised slowly as his lungs expanded from the air he inhaled. Except it was only an illusion. Kyle didn’t need air. That was Ghost Rule #1 probably the only one the blonde was familiar with.

            Kenny wished he could joke away the situation. Make up some dumb comment about there being a mirror in the room which was better than the toilet. How Kyle looked like he had seen a ghost, but this was not the right situation or the right moment to joke about it.

 

“Hey, Ky…” he stepped closer to Kyle, squatting down beside him. He wanted to put his hand on his back, but it went through Kyle’s body as if nothing was there. Asking him about his well-being would’ve been rude and cruel at this point, so Kenny decided it is inherently better to wait until Kyle gets himself together.

            They stayed like that for minutes, the blonde patiently waiting for a reply, a movement or anything. For a passer-by it would’ve looked like he’d found something extremely interesting on the toilet seat, but he couldn’t care enough right now.

            Kyle let out a sigh, before he spoke to him.

 

“I… I want to vomit, I think I feel nauseous, but I can’t. Nothing comes up or goes down. There is nothing at all and probably I’m just imagining shit...” Kyle’s voice is hoarse and he kept his gaze firmly on the water surface. “Everything is empty...”

“Don’t force it.” Kenny’s voice was gentle as it was the only thing that could reach Kyle right now.

“How could I not? This isn’t normal. I’m here. I don’t feel––” he stopped himself from saying it as if it was a cursed word.

“Because you are not.” he noted.

“I will be. Soon.”

“With that attitude,” Kenny scorned him. He as concerned about Kyle’s distress but this was getting ridiculous.

            Kyle in reply just shot him a look. He was standing on the threshold of death, stuck outside of his body, invisible to everyone and that’s the best kind of comfort he can get. Kenny seemed to notice what he’d just said and murmured a soft ‘Sorry’ under his breath, taking a step back from the boy.

 

 

            The short version, Kyle was a mess.

            The longer version was much more complicated and it was more frustrating than Cartman and his endless maelstrom of stupidity that he constantly hurdled toward the redhead over the years. Because the longer he stayed in this state, the more he noticed about himself. Furthermore, this newfound knowledge collided together with his previous assumptions, creating chaos and fear.

            He tried to take deep breaths because apparently that helped when someone had a panic attack, but he couldn’t feel the air rushing down his larynx, neither his chest brushing against the fabric of his shirt. All of his bodily functions collapsed and then suddenly disappeared, but his mind still kept the illusion of life out of habit. Adding more to his torture.

            He should’ve gotten stomach cramps from stress, but once again, the feeling of _nothing_ haunted Kyle. His mind told him to hurry to the nearest bathroom, because it still couldn’t process that his body was dying miles away from their school.

            Was his feelings part of this strange illusion? Did he even have a mind or soul? Or was he just a memory the real Kyle left behind?

            He wanted to cry and maybe he was crying already with phantom tears rolling down his face, but the sensation was lost and he couldn’t determine it without a mirror as he had no reflection on the water surface.

            Being a ghost had been a horrible experience so far, but he had to do something before he starts haunting the school bathrooms.

            His eyes met with Kenny’s as he looked up. The boy waited for him with the gentlest expression Kyle has ever seen from him. For a moment he believed that this was really just part of some cruel prank.

            Everything felt normal.

            Right until the moment, he saw his hand disappearing from the toilet seat. It lasted only for a second but long enough for him to start freaking out again and realize the weight of the situation. They were back at square one.

 

“I think I will die.” he admitted in defeat.

“You won’t.” Kenny forced out the words trying to add as much confidence as he could. “You can’t.”

            Life was playing some really terrible tricks on Kenny today. He was the one who usually ended up six feet underground, mauled, shot and most importantly, dead. Worst part of it, nobody ever remembered these accidents so he was left alone to deal with them. He should’ve been angry because, Kyle at least had _someone_ ; Kyle had _him_ out of all people! However as he looked at the boy in front of him his anger suddenly disappeared.

            Kyle was clearly in panic. His body was shaking and his sentences became short in contrast of his usual lengthy ramblings. No way, Kenny would be focusing on his own curse. Maybe another day, another place.

 

            Right now, the first problem he had to solve was calming him down somehow without any kind of physical contact. Obviously, the school was not the most suitable place for this. Loud, noisy and they would risk people stepping through Kyle.

 

“Let’s go for a walk. It will help us collect our thoughts and spare us some unwanted attention.” he recommended. Kyle sat still on the floor, before finally standing up, looking at Kenny expectantly.

“Before we go,” his voice was much clearer. “Am I transparent? Can.. you see through me?”

Kenny only shook his head. “Nope. Nothing is different ‘cept I can’t touch you.”

“This is… almost strangely relaxing.” at least he didn’t look like a ghost. Kenny raised a brow at this.

“You mean the part that I can’t touch you?”

“What? No! I mean—You know what I mean! Don’t make me explain it to you.”

“You don’t look like a ghost. Gotcha!” he shrugged. ”I’m just glad your mood got better. If we keep panicking we might as well run into a wall headfirst it would end with the same results,“ he forced a smile to his face before stepping toward the hallway. 

 

 

            If Kyle was alone he’d have probably had a mental breakdown right there at that very spot. He’d have put Tweek Tweak to shame because he wouldn’t only scream, but also try to explain himself _while_ screaming and pacing around in the bathroom. But Kenny acted like an anchor to reality, keeping him in line presenting what he needed most.

            Logic.

            Logic to solve this puzzle.

            Logic to prevent him from giving up.

 

            He silently followed as Kenny led him through the building hiding from their teachers whenever one came passing by. They didn’t speak until Kenny was absolutely sure he was out of school-range. Not like anyone would come after him in this situation. They probably think ‘he just went to see Kyle’ and it wasn’t even that far away from the truth.

 

“I still can’t believe this” he admitted when they started walking toward downtown.

“Neither can I. It feels alien. Like I don’t own anything but my thoughts and feelings, but I keep wondering are these feelings even real or just some phantom sense?” Really. Just how do you explain turning into a ghost? Especially, while you are still alive in reality.

“They are real and so are you.” Kenny reassures him. He went on to present Kyle his theory as they walked down the streets. “I think your body got separated from your soul for some reason. Don’t ask why, because I don’t know that yet. I just… feel that even that is a possibility in this crazed town. But nothing says that we can’t reunite them somehow.”

            Kyle’s lips curved upward as he followed Kenny’s train of thought. “So what you are saying is that this state can be reversed.”

“As long as both parts of you exist.”

            He purposely avoided using the word ‘alive’. None of them really wanted to dwell on that possibility. “Stan is in the hospital with your body and I doubt he will let anything bad happen to you. He will fight the doctors if he has to.”

“Stan would absolutely do that,” said Kyle smiling at the idea.

“And because everyone wants you to live, you will live.” if only it was that simple. Kenny still had some doubts especially because all he knew about Kyle’s condition was ‘critical but stable’ which honestly could mean anything. Stable condition only meant that he can be saved but there was no guarantee for that. Anything could happen whether he likes it or not.

And this knowledge alone made Kenny’s stomach churn.

 

“You got surprisingly calm, compared to your usual self” Kenny noted. “I’d have expected you to go berserk.”

            Usually Kyle was a time-bomb. Ticking away, constantly collecting whatever irritated him at the moment until he finally blew up from pent up anger. But now, while worry still clouded his expression Kenny would even risk saying that Kyle was the calmer than usually.

“Well for one, I’m not angry!” Kyle seemed to realize what was Kenny getting at. “Rather, at some point I realized even if I threw a tantrum nobody would hear it except you and that would be unfair. Don’t ask why, but having you at my side makes me think not all hope is lost.”

“It warms my heart to hear that you think so highly of me. “ Kenny winked at him. “Now, where do you want to go first?”

“Take me anywhere but the hospital.” he said.

“Anywhere but there. Got it!”

            Thus Kenny started his seemingly lonely walk through the town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A ghostly introduction! I can't deny, I had fun rethinking how a ghost could appear in frint of others. There is also a reason why Kenny can see him just fine.


	3. It's not as simple

            If anyone ever asked Kenny to rate his top ten worst and most tiring days in history he would’ve put today on the eminent 3rd place. It was emotionally and physically exhausting, a combo he rarely got to experience. Although, usually he had the luxury of allowing his weaknesses to come forth, so he had less pent up frustration suffocating him from the inside.       Maybe based on this, today did deserve being number one.

            After walking around aimlessly in South Park his mind kept going back to a crucial event of the day; Kyle’s accident. While the boy was somewhat calmer about it after they left the school, Kenny faced another problem that kept inching closer as the sun slowly sank under the horizon colouring the town in orange hues. Night was closer than ever and he still had no idea about what he should do in a situation like this.

            Kyle was a gh… supernatural entity so he probably wouldn’t sleep like any human. On the other hand, Kenny still needed minimal amount of sleep in order to work properly. Four hours at least.

            And on top of this, Kyle had to stay somewhere. He couldn’t let him wander around at night even if nobody could see him.

 

            Going back to the Broflovski’s was a terrible idea for countless reasons. They both agreed on that for once. While he obviously wouldn’t want Kyle to be alone, but him being in Kyle’s room would be trespassing the least and Sheila would end him for sure. ‘ _Your son is here but he is invisible,_ wouldn’t really work on her and maybe it would anger Sheila to the point of throwing Kenny out of a window. If he dies, Kyle would still be alone for a night and that’s one thing he wouldn’t want to risk.

            His new goal was to stay alive as long as it takes to solve this puzzle, which considering how many of his deaths were connected to a certain group of friends, probably won’t be a chore as long as he is extra careful about his own actions and makes sure he avoids every possible source of danger.

            For example he won’t go waltzing into the lion’s den.

 

            Stan wasn’t the best option either. Furthermore, if Stan was around he’d have to act like Kyle was truly invisible.

            Explaining wouldn’t work, he was too old for imaginary friends and the boy is still probably floored from the accident and his recent trip to the hospital. This was among the reasons why he decided against calling Stan to ask about Kyle’s condition. None of them really needed that kind of stress right now.

           

            The last place on his list was actually his own home. He claimed his house to be unfit for inviting guests over and he wasn’t ready to let Kyle know more about his family other than that they were poor and couldn’t afford to pay all bills, unless Kenny did something from the shadows. Even if he managed to collect some money from odd jobs around town, it went for Karen and their bills.

            His parents never noticed the fact that some of their bills went disappearing and it didn’t result with the service provider cutting off electricity or water. Asif it was the most natural thing in the world. However, this was among the things he didn’t want to share with his group of friends, even though he sometimes desperately felt the need to rant about it.

            Along with how his parents were not famous about being terribly supportive.

 

“Let me get this straight,” Kyle paced in front of the bench Kenny was sitting on. In the end they decided to stop for a strategy meeting at the playground. “We can’t go to my place because my mother would tear your head off. Stan and everyone else are out of question because we couldn’t communicate when they are around. That leaves us with only one possible option. Your place. What’s wrong with that again?”

            Kenny looked up at Kyle clearly not expecting a question aimed at him.

“It’s kind of a long story. Really,” he told Kyle gravely.

“Ken, I know you don’t have money.”

“It’s not about money,” he admitted, looking at a patch of grass at the feet of the bench. “It’s about everything else. I’m just not comfortable letting anyone know about my family. It’s already a big problem that we are the kids who can’t afford shit.”

            Oh, so that what it was about.

“Kenny, do you realize you are telling this to the person who is labelled as the money hungry jew fag since he was 6 or so? Or pretty much since Cartman had a concept of different religions and sexualities. I won’t think less of you because your family doesn’t live like the Buckets from Charlie and the Chocolate factory.” he stopped for a moment, when he saw Kenny’s puzzled expression. “I meant, that living in love and warmth despite being poor. I won’t think less of you for not living in an ideal family.”

            Kenny sat in silence. Quietly rethinking what Kyle just told him. If only he knew their reality at home, he wouldn’t be preaching about fictional poor people he met, because the teacher told him to read a book.

“You know, some people get poor because they make some bad decisions or life fucks up their plans, but the still try to stand up. My family... “ he let out a barely audible sigh. “My family belongs to an entire different category. They dig themselves deeper and deeper, prioritizing person over family. My own father straight up told me to quit my job, because nothing will get better and giving up is easier! I know you wouldn’t think less of me, but I also know that you would pity me and that’s one of the things I hate the most.”

 

            Kyle was speechless. He didn’t even notice, but he stopped walking back and forth as he focused his attention on Kenny. He felt, that after many years they arrive to a standstill in their friendship, everything depending on his answer. Like he got all the information about Kenny McCormick in a single day.

            He hesitated, seemingly shifting weight from one leg to another. Something he’d do in person too if he had his body.

“This might sound stupid… But...” he bent down until his eyes met with Kenny’s. “Have you ever thought about, that perhaps I wouldn’t pity you? Instead I’d try to shoulder some of that weight you have to carry around.”

            Kenny let out a half-hearted scoff. “Back then all of you made fun of me. Even you, Kyle. It’s not easy to talk about how fucked up my life got after all of that.”

“You do realize we changed over the years, right?” Kyle looked at him in disbelief.

“Yeah.”

“And that I wouldn’t pity you. I think, instead I would be angry because we never really tried to help you in any way.” Kenny was about to open his mouth, but Kyle halted him. “I’m not talking about money, but emotional support. Something friends are supposed to give each other on a regular basis”

            _Supposed._ That word rang painfully in his memory because truth to be told, Kyle was never really a role model friend and he was terrible at tackling new problems. He usually tried to put everything new within the limits of what he already knew about the world. Failed, but kept to this bad habit like his life depended on it. Even after it almost destroyed Stan, his super best friend, in the process.

            What made him change was the night he had to spend at the detox-centre at Stan’s side after he destroyed Randy’s stash of drinks and ending up with alcohol poisoning. On that night something clicked inside him and that shapeless mess made of thoughts and feelings ordered him to understand. To understand more and strive to know more about the world.

            Because the think about Kyle Broflovski, he cared about his friends, but he was terrible at catching the sign when their life went downhill, unless they spelled out for him.

 

“I wish it was easy as that.” Kenny smiled at him. “We could cuddle up on my bed to magically solve all of my problems!”

            However, the last sentence went over Kyle’s head.

“Well, talking helps as long as there is someone willing to listen.” the redhead nodded to himself. “Yeah, next time we have to talk it out!”

“Kyle, it’s not...  Nevermind.” He’d lost. He didn’t notice it at first, but Kyle slowly cut all of his escape routes right in front of him and any further excuse would only lengthen a pointless discussion. That clever bastard.

 “I have to warn you, whatever you had in that red head right now, it’s ten times worse. Are you sure about this?”

“To be frank, no.”

            But they had no other options.

 

<=>

 

            Kenny could only hope that shit didn’t hit the fans yet as he crossed the train tracks to reach the abandoned corner of Sodosopa. He hated what the citizens of South Park did to his home. It used to be a cesspit even when he was little, but thanks to the patchwork buildings they built around their house, even ruining the roofing with a bar, it looked like a dystopian town out of a horror movie. Life just loved dark humour if it involved the McCormick name.

            He opened the door with a hint of hesitation.

            The coast was clear.

            However, as he stepped inside, he heard footsteps echoing through the house, floor creaking beneath some of the steps and before he realized arms wrapped around him and something pushed the air out of his lungs.

“Karen, what has gotten into you? Did someone hurt you?”

            She only shook her head as her grip in him became tighter. “I’ve heard what happened… Thought you might need a hug... Or two.”

            Kenny instinctively hugged her back.

“Are you going to be okay?” came her muffled question through his orange coat.

“Yeah... Everything is going to be okay, so don’t you go worry about us.” he chuckled, feeling Kyle’s gaze on his back. “However, you _should_ worry about that book you have to read for class. Have you finished it already?”

            She stepped away. “Almost. Almost.”

“I’ll question you later!” he warned Karen.

“You didn’t even read it, Kenny!” Karen only shrugged, but Kenny was already on his way to his room.

“I’ll go to bed, forget myself in sleep,” he told Karen from the hallway. Kyle followed in his wake like a lost and endlessly confused puppy.

“Kenny, knowing one quote from a book doesn’t prove that you read it!” Karen called after him.

“We will see, sis!”

 

            As Kenny closed the door behind them, Kyle looked at him in disbelief.

“Do you read?” he asked with a dumbfounded expression.

“You look at me like I killed a person.” he countered. He only realized that due to him only tagging along with Cartman and Co. there was no way for anyone to know what he did when he wasn’t part of the group. “Library is free. And you can find random shit online. They help a lot when Karen has to write a book report also earns you some extra points at flirting if you sound bookish.”

            Kyle sat down on his bed, still looking at him. “I think I already see some silver lining at the end of this shitstorm… A much needed one.”

“Just because I read? Dude, I never knew that the thing with flirting will truly work.”

“What?!” he was sure he’d seen Kyle’s face get at least a shad darker. “I meant, that at least the only person who can see me has a brain.”

“Good.” he sat down next to him. “Also, I’m not sure about you, but I think we should lie back for tonight in order for a fresh start tomorrow. We will have tons of shit to do and knowing South Park, even crabmen will crawl out of the sewers just to stop us.”

“Yeah.” Kyle nodded.

 

            They sat in the silence of Kenny’s room. Kyle only noticed it how nothing has changed since he last visited. The green walls still had paint crumbling; new posters were put up to cover the missing layers. The mattress was the same as it was ten years ago, with a clean sheet pulled over it.

            The room gave home to an old CRT television, but probably none of them really felt like watching tv. Kyle couldn’t help but wonder if it was only a decoration as everything went digital few years before. He should ask about it later.

            As he looked over to Kenny, the boy’s face was paler than usually and worry clouded his expression. He sat there, seemingly lost in the chaos of his own thoughts, despite recommending them to give his case a rest for the day.

“I’m glad that I’m stuck with you.” he admitted under his breath. A tiny smile flashed through Kenny’s face, but disappeared almost instantly.

 

_I just wish it had been under different circumstances,_ Kenny thought to himself bitterly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* Karen is reading the Master and Margarita. I thought it was the type of book both siblings would read for different reasons.


	4. Damage Control

            As both of them lay on the bed and they watched random videos on Kenny’s phone, Kyle truly believed that everything will be miraculously solved by the next day. Despite all the evidence, deep down, he still couldn’t believe the news and kept a small piece of hope alive that this was indeed just a cruel prank.

            Around the tenth video, Kenny finally fell asleep after fighting a losing battle with his consciousness. Not long after his body ended up in horizontal position, he accidentally let the waves tiredness wash over him despite the fact that he was wearing his street clothes minus the jacket.

            Mouth slightly agape, he slept like a log with only his chest moving with each breath so Kyle could still watch the endless stream of videos on Kenny’s playlist. However, once the phone on Kenny’s chest started sending warnings about its battery levels, he felt uneasy. And when ten minutes later it unceremoniously died on him, he was left alone with his thoughts in the silence of the night.

            Kyle tried to close his eyes, thought about sleeping but dreams just wouldn’t come and he only ended up tossing and turning next to Kenny. He couldn’t feel the exhaustion, only numbing emptiness that constantly reminded him that yes, he was dying and no, this was not another prank.

            _I hope my body survives the night._ He thought to himself bitterly while staring into the darkness. If his body dies then his last and only chance to return will be eliminated. He would either end up as a wandering soul or disappear altogether and none of these options sounded tempting at the moment.

 

            Finally, he looked over to Kenny. The phone fell off his stomach when he turned around and Kyle could only hope that he won’t break it by making another turn in his sleep.

            If he had his body, he could pull the phone out from under Kenny.

            But then again, if he had his body he wouldn’t be spending the night in that musty room. Everything would be normal and he wouldn’t know as much about Kenny.

“I wonder what else I missed about you,” he murmured under his breath as he watched the blonde.

         At first glance, Kenny looked so peaceful. However, if he looked at his features, in the dim light of the moon, he could see the familiar frown which haunted Kenny’s expressions all day. He couldn’t imagine him being the scared and worried type. But then again, he hardly knew anything about Kenny’s personality.

            Kenny was, simply put, _Kenny_. An _almost_ blank sheet in Kyle’s book.

            The person who would barge through his window at two in the morning dressed as a cheap Batman knockoff, only to ask his help in doing some background check. Also he was the reason Kyle had to spend a night under bars for vigilantism.

            Okay, maybe he knew a bit more about him than he dared to admit, but still, his personality remained a mystery.

 

 

            Before he could have finished his train of thoughts, he heard glass shatter outside of the room and something hit the floor with a loud thud.

            _Burglars?!_ Was his first thought despite the knowledge that Kenny and his family hardly owned anything worth stealing. He sat up on the bed trying to measure up the situation.

            They were in the middle of the night 3am, to be exact. It’s not normal for anyone to be up this early. If they are them they probably don’t feel well or worse… or they were just thirsty.

            Kyle got out of the bed with these possibilities in mind and slowly made his way to the door. He automatically tried to open it by pushing down the doorknob however his hand went right through it.

            _Still no body._ He nodded to himself thinking of every ghost story in the book.

            But if he was really an entity called _ghost,_ he shouldn’t be stopped by mere wooden walls! Driven by curiosity, first, he tried to push his hand through the door it went without any effort. His legs followed and finally he stepped to the other side of the door.

            _Gotta admit, this was actually cool,_ he thought to himself, before he decided to follow the noise. They can’t see him anyway and if the people deem to be dangerous, he could wake up Kenny.

 

            Suddenly, after another sound of glass shattering Kyle heard voices joining into the disharmony.

“Stop buh-reaking every shit you find, asshole!” a woman shrieked, then based on the noise, she threw something toward the other person, probably a man.  The sound reminded him of a wooden chair bouncing back twice with a pitiful clang.

“Maybe if I break more of these you will get your ass off the couch and start cleaning this shithole. This whole place stinks like a dumpster, you hag!”

“It wouldn’t stink if you actually did something! But no, you just come home and grow the fat on your ass you pathetic excuse of a man.”

 

            Glass clattering on the floor.

 

            Another breaking on the table.

 

            Kyle instinctively leapt closer, arriving to the shabby old living room. From there, he could finally see Stuart and Carol, throwing insults at each other making rounds around the table. With each step a crunching sound off glass shards echoed in the kitchen.

“The kitchen sinks… stick… _stinks_ because of you! Look at this, you manchild!” she pointed at the tiles. Stuart looked at the shards, carefully asserting them, before coming to a conclusion.

“I give up on you! Had enough of this bullshit!” Kenny’s father shouted, then haphazardly threw away the neck of the beer bottle he still clutched in his hand.

“You deranged psycho! Stop making a mess!” her mother shrieked, but Stuart was already on his way to the front door. The whole house shook as he closed the door behind him.

“This is not the end of it, fucker!” Carol shouted after him, but without an actual person to receive her words she just made a face, finished her own bottle and decided to leave the kitchen, stepping right through the mortified body of Kyle, who was still shocked at the words they threw at each other’s face and the mess they made.

“Go the fuck to sleep!” he heard from the hallway and as he turned he had seen Kenny staring at him in fear.     

 

            Once Carol was completely out of the picture, he made a pained grimace as he carefully stepped toward Kyle. The blonde looked around making sure that every other McCormick had left the area.

“They do this a lot,” he answered Kyle’s unspoken question. The boy was still shocked from the scene he had to witness. He expected a lot of terrible things, but never a fight between parents. He was used to heated arguments, but wasn’t ready to witness what a real fight looked like.

            Kenny’s words rang in his ears.

            _They do this a lot._

            The feeling was similar to the one he got whenever he finished a puzzle, yet right now he felt sick. How could he solve a problem like this? Was there even a solution? Should he even try?

 

“This is why I didn’t want you to stay here.” Kenny admitted in a serious tone. “I wanted to stay as the perverted poor kid in your book. I didn’t want to burden you with this knowledge.”

            He started picking up the shards from the floor, collecting them in a plastic bag and never once looked at Kyle. There were things they couldn’t just talk out as Kyle suggested and his parents had done enough damage for the day, he didn’t want to bring them up in a conversation.

            Truth to be told, he felt anger bubbling up from the pits of his heart. His friends were a getaway from home and no matter how shitty they acted at times; he considered them to be the part of his a second home. However, the two homes should never mix, because the first one would surely taint the other. There would be pity, rue and remorse.

            People would talk and neglect would eventually come up in conversations landing them in foster care and destroying both homes. And now Kyle went snooping around the house and found himself in the middle of his everydays. The true McCormick experience! What was he thinking?!

 

            He winced as a smaller shard cut into his skin draining a drop of blood as he pulled it out.

“Wait!” Kyle called next to him and tried to grab his hand, but just like at school, Kyle’s hand went through his body leaving a cold sensation on his skin.

“Leave it alone, Kyle.” Kenny said calmly. “You can’t help.”

“But--”

“Kyle, look! What I am doing right now, is what I’m used to on the long run! They break things, I clean up, they come back like nothing has happened, and everything seems to be fine until they find alcohol again. This goes on repeat since I was four.”

            Kenny seemed to be angrier and he dropped the shards into the bag with more force, even repeatedly getting new cuts on his fingers.

“Still… You should’ve told us. Maybe not the details, but just… give us some hints instead of pretending that everything is A-Okay and your family only needs money! We would have…”

“Listened to me?” Kenny’s eyes were sparkling from anger in the dim light of the kitchen. “Kyle, since when have _any_ of you listened to me?”

 

            This seemed to do the trick. Kyle got cornered with no possible way to make a comeback. After all, honesty is the hardest to react to and Kenny just landed a critical hit. He wanted to say how they always cared about Kenny, but deep down he knew that this was a lie.

            They never asked Kenny about himself. They never asked if he was alright, had any problems. They always took him as granted. The fourth member of the group.

“I could die right in front of you and the next day you would just ask Where were you, Kenny?” the blonde muttered under his breath mostly to himself, but Kyle heard it all. Then he added in a much quieter voice, “Because you just simply don’t care about anything but yourself…”

            This seemed to be the final nail in the coffin; Kyle stepped away, looking unsure about where to go. Should he wait for Kenny in the door, keeping an eye on him or should he go back to his room, leaving Kenny alone for a while…?

 

            On the other hand, Kenny knew his words were only half-truths. His friends actually cared even if they were terrible at showing human emotions. He knew that his curse prevented them from remembering all the gruesome deaths he had to suffer through and made it seem like he was only gone for a day or two.

            Hell, he even thanked whatever deity decided to play this trick on him, because he didn’t leave anyone traumatized for the rest of their life. But right now he was pissed, tired and he didn’t want to hold the reins of his emotions. He had around three hours of sleep and for once it felt right to let his problems run amok, destroying everything in their wake.

            Since they already let the genie out of the bottle they could let the others out as well.

 

            However, after taking a glance at Kyle, he felt regret tearing out a part of his heart. He chose worst moment to drop years of anger onto the boy and now he ruined everything. Damn! He wanted to pinch his hand, not to bite off his entire arm!

            Also, probably this wasn’t the best way to talk to someone who was still fighting for his life miles away… What if he just killed Kyle with his words? This was an extremely stupid move on his part.

 

            He decided to shut his mouth as he swept the remaining smaller shards and mopped the floor to get rid of the smell and stickiness of alcohol. They probably didn’t talk for an hour, enjoying the liberating silence while letting their thoughts run wild.

            Kenny wondered how pitiful it was that his parents only broke two bottles of beer, while he managed to break an almost unbreakable bond in less than an hour.

            He heaved a suffering sigh. Some apologies were in order before Karen wakes up and sees Kenny talking to himself.

“Kyle, I…”

“No need.” Kyle raised a hand to stop Kenny from speaking. “I think this was deemed to happen sooner or later…”

“You are right. I didn’t mean to drop a bomb on you, though,” Kenny sighed in defeat. “Sorry for lashing out.”

Kyle only gave him a tired smile. “I’ll live, I think.”

“You better not be lying about that!” he seemed to hesitate a bit, not knowing what would be the proper way to continue. “Are we…?”

            He looked at Kyle expectantly, hoping that he will get the signal, so he doesn’t have to finish the sentence.

“Yeah… Just promise me that you won’t keep this shit to yourself.”

“Just promise me you won’t try to solve my problems for me,” Kenny couldn’t help but laugh at Kyle’s seriousness. “Also, I’m not sure if you have noticed, but I can’t hide anything from you right now.”

            Kyle looked at him with a puzzled expression before his lips formed an o.

Once again, he forgot about being a ghost, because honestly, he felt more alive than he did in the past few years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Kyle just secretly vowed to hug Kenny when he gets his body back.


	5. Coffee and Ideas

One thing they both agreed on was the need for a strategy meeting, because right now their knowledge stopped at the accident and Kyle’s out of body experience. None of those were clues capable of bringing forward their investigation, let alone clues. And Kenny had a hunch that the reason for his haunting was nowhere as simple as he originally thought it will be.

            His legs took his sleep-deprived self through the playground and they went past oddly coloured houses before arriving to a familiar building. Huge glass windows tempted new customers by showing the interior and a glimpse of the atmosphere the place had to offer.

“Coffee?” asked Kyle glancing at the gargantuan _Tweek bros_. Sign above to door.

“Coffee.” Kenny deadpanned. “I need something to keep me alive today.”

 

            Truth to be told, he wasn’t fan of the dark liquid and if he absolutely had to choose a drink containing copious amounts of caffeine he would go for cola or some other fizzy drink. But on top of staying awake, they needed a place to talk and the best way to avoid questions and people was to melt into the milieu of customers at a coffee shop. Nobody would question his intentions or sanity if they saw him hunched over a paper, scribbling notes while he talked to himself. It was what every student did at least once in their lifetime. Anyway, it would have earned some accusations and a trip to Mackey’s office if he went around town explaining things to an invisible friend especially if he referred to said friend as ‘Kyle’. It was easier and safer to sacrifice some of his pocket money.

 

 

            The first positive disappointment of his day was seeing Tweek making rounds behind the counter, hastily pouring coffee into papercups. It wasn’t a busy day per se but customers constantly came and went as they picked up their to-go coffees.

            The smell of coffee mixing with the sweet aroma of pastries immediately calmed his senses as he opened the door.

            Fortunately, there was plenty of room to sit and talk furthermore he didn’t have to worry about Tweek spreading rumours about him. Those would either stop at Craig or at their friends. Kenny was known for doing strange things and honestly, him buying coffee was already an unbelievable scenario as instant coffee was suited for his price range. He wouldn’t even consider getting coffee from there if it wasn’t for his lack of sleep.

 

            He casually walked over to the counter waiting for the blonde to finish the existing orders.

“Kenny!” Tweek let out a surprised yelp. The boy had a habit of expecting the unexpected but not seeing what was right in front of him at the moment.

“Yo!” Kenny raised a hand to greet him. “Been a while since my last visit.”

“That’s correct! In a way, I guess…? What can I help you with?”

“Five shots of espressos.” he told with a serious expression.

            Kyle was sure he had seen Tweek lose his colours as his hands started shaking from stress once the information raced past his brain at least four times.

“A-Are you mad?!” he let out a high pitched scream. “That’s unhealthy! Really unhealthy! It will fuck up your stomach and your heart. It’s like giving nitro to it! This is not Nascar! Gyaah! Kenny you can’t just ask me to make that! It’d kill you and I’d go to jail because of it. We could lose the shop too! And Craig will have to work overhour so we could afford a lawyer!” he went on a rant hands shaking as he gripped the glass he was about to use.

“Tweek,” he started and a soft understanding smile played on his lips and for a moment the barista truly believed that his reasoning was heard. “I won’t change my order.”

            Kenny stood still.

“B-bu-But---!”

“You live on double espressos.”

“Live _d_. In past tense. Also you are not me!”

“I’ll take full responsibility for that order.”

“It’s not about responsibilities---! Argh, it’s about health! Why do you even need that much coffee?”

“Couldn’t sleep yesterday and I can’t afford to fall asleep right now.” he answered curtly.

Tweek fiddled with the ears of the glass. Running his fingers along the curve. Gears turning, thoughts riding a weird carousel in his brain as all of his alarms went off at once. Then everything clicked and he looked at Kenny with utmost seriousness.

“Is it because of the accident?”

“Let’s say yes.” More or less Kyle was the reason of his sleepless night anyway.

            Kyle didn’t miss the expression flashing through Kenny’s face. he wished he could just invite Kenny to somewhere and apologize…

            In front of them Tweek nodded, seemingly still thinking about a solution where both parties could be happy.

“Hooow about 3 shots in a latte?” he asked uncertainly. The coffee would be strong but wouldn’t hit as hard and the milk could mellow out the bitterness.

“A latte with 4 shots?” Kenny tried.

“3! And consider that I’m not even sure if you should drink three, so don’t test me, goddamnit!”

            Kyle couldn’t help but step in. “If you want that much coffee, you should eat something, Kenny. I mean, you barely ate anything yesterday....”

            He only realized it later that the coffee shop's prices probably weren’t suited for Kenny’s wallet but before he could have apologized, Kenny had already made up his mind.

“4. And throw a croissant to the list.” the boy looked at Kyle as if he was saying ‘ _See, I still listened to you’._

            On the other hand, this seemed to calm Tweek down a little, despite his recommendation ended up being dismissed. Kenny was a customer, a friend, but still a customer he had to serve, especially if he bought more than a coffee. That’s what his parents told him all the time. He took a deep breath, keeping back his opinions and asked “A-Anything else?”

            Kenny just shook his head as Tweek with shaking hands, presented a plate with the chosen pastry and dropped a tiny box of jam next to it usually served with their breakfast menu containing a cappuccino and croissant.

“It’s on the house. Take a seat and I’ll bring the coffee to you in a minute.”

“You’re the best, Tweek!”

            Tweek was about to start the espresso machine but Kenny apparently still had something on his mind.

“Tweek, just one tiny little request and I swear I’ll sit down, but… could you perhaps lend me a pen and a paper?”

 

 

            As coffee was set down before Kenny, he and Kyle were already in the middle of brainstorming. But things just didn’t add up. Kyle was not dead, yet he left his body. It was something even Kenny wasn’t capable of after he died and he tested that a lot. He usually did a full restart and completely stopped existing on Earth. So whatever happened to Kyle was probably something different, not connected to a lovecraftian monster. But what else was left            While he had to admit, Tweek’s coffee really packed a punch, but it didn’t make him see the whole picture more clearly.

“So, just what we have here so far,” Kyle started. “I’m not transparent, but no physical body either. Probably it’s not a curse unless it’s a curse about terrible luck. I got hit by a car yesterday morning and ever since I’m at the hospital, probably in coma. We have to ask Stan later.”

“Shouldn’t we ask him, like, right now?” Kenny frowned.

“No.”

“Kyle, you are making no sense. Why can’t we just call him? To check on both of you.”

            Kyle averted his gaze, silently wishing that he too had coffee to hide his expression behind a mug.

“Hey.” Kenny called him, more quietly this time. “I won’t force it, but I have to know.”

“I just don't want to stress him even more. You know Stan… He has a heart of gold but… it gets brittle like glass if you put it under too much stress. Knowing Stan, he’d probably spent the night at the hospital and I want him to rest before we ask anything…” he rambled on.

“Ky, if Stan feels like shit shouldn’t we be there with him or at least remind him that he is not alone?” asked Kenny, baffled by the logic Kyle presented to him.

“I…” Kyle hesitated.

“You are scared,” Kenny came to a conclusion. He felt a bit stupid for never including that into the possible option within Kyle’s range of emotions. “You are scared of meeting him, because you can’t do anything and would feel guilty.”

“...”

“So I hit the nail on the head…” he smirked. “Alright, for the sake of both of you idiots, I say we should meet Stan tomorrow. Come hell or high water.” he groaned. “Even if he doesn’t want to meet us we should at least try.”

            Kenny sipped on the coffee before dropping in the 5th sugarcube. Still so bitter that its taste got burned into his throat.

 

            At some point he had to realise that Kyle is not exactly the prince of friendship. He needs to be nagged and pushed toward more positive solutions or else he will just sit around making stupid decisions. However, once he got the hang of walking down the right road, he was unstoppable and did everything to prove his point. It was both a charm and a curse because he did the same whenever he chose the wrong path. Trying to explain his action, seeking validation to prevent himself from admitting his failure.

 But without his body Kyle couldn’t exactly lead him and to be frank, Kenny hasn’t gotten used to be in the role yet…

            It required his full attention and his quiet jabs and comments which he made in the background were forced to turn into full sentences. He couldn’t just nod, hum and follow an idea because there was nobody to present him new ideas. Kyle could, but his logical thinking didn’t help much when they had to think outside of the box.

 

\---

 

            They sat there in silence, Kenny quietly resting his head on the paper in front of him. Three hours and they still got no lead on what happened and how to solve it. However, he felt his heart skip some beats and occasionally jump in his ribcage. He should’ve listened to Tweek… _Don’t you dare to stop_ , he argued with his own heart.

 

            In the course of that three hours he only scribbled down two names.

            One of them was Stan.

             Based on what Kyle had told him they needed to keep Stan out of his shell because Kenny was not in the mood to deal with two idiots at the same time. Also, even if it was a bit selfish from his side, he wanted to use the boy as a connection point between Kyle’s body and soul considering, how he couldn’t really visit him at the hospital. Kyle tried to avoid that place as if he would create a rift between time and space if he saw himself on the bed.

            He needed Stan to regularly check up on Kyle’s body while they collected clues around town.

 

            The second on the list was actually not one but two names, connected to one idea that might lead them somewhere. Or at least according to Kyle, the easiest way would be to collect the possible causes of him leaving his body. And who else would be better at that topic than Henrietta and the goth kids? However…

“The goths are hard to approach,” Kenny explained. Even if they talked to him, they remained distant and never really let Kenny go above the acquaintance level. He could strike up a conversation with them about most casual topics, but the door got slammed into his face when he wanted to ask them for help. “We have to pray that Henrietta will find this case _occult_ and _dark_ enough and possibly share some sources with Karen. We have to ask her through my sister, by the way.”

“Do you think they would listen to her?” Kyle asked, but Kenny just nodded proudly.

“Are you kidding?! They love her!” he pulled his phone out of his pocket and before Kyle could say a word, Kenny’s fingers were frantically tapping away a message.

 

[Karen! Sugarcube. This will sound weird, but could you and Heni look into something for me? Is it possible to lose soul? As in have your soul knocked out of your body like sort of an out of body experience? I bet Heni will have some books on the topics. It’s kinda important. ]

 

            Kyle couldn’t help but read the message Kenny was about to send out.

“Heni?!” he frowned upon rereading the sentence.

“Lazyness creates nicknames!” he chuckled, however Kenny didn’t miss that familiar glint in Kyle’s eyes. Oh, sweet, sweet jealousy. If he had the luxury he would try getting under Kyle’s skin... “But it’s just how I refer to her when I talk with my sister. Henrietta has no idea that I call her like that, Ky.”

“I didn’t mean it like that” Kyle turned defensive.

“Then how did you mean?”

“I… I...”

“I’m listening, Ky.”

“It was just weird, alright?! I hardly ever hear you talk and now I know that you have a thing for nicknames among any other things!”

“ _Kyle,_ I still don’t understand why this is a problem.”

            He did it. Kyle opened then closed his mouth but he didn’t saw a word. Only slumped back to his seat, defeated.

“Gotcha! 2:0 for me.” Kenny winked at him never noticing Tweek, who gave him terrified glances between customers. “That’s the second time I made you speechless!”

 

             Kenny acted weird as if something had possessed him. He’d sent a few worried messages to Craig and even posted in their groupchat to ask for help, before he continued serving the customers. It will pass, he kept reminding himself trying to keep his mind on the orders he had to make.

 

Kenny’s phone buzzed soon after the message was sent.

>>Ken, why do you need to know something like that?<<

[I have a theory.] he typed back while Kyle reading their convo over his shoulder. He had started walking around the place when he got tired of sitting. He occasionally gravitated back to Kenny to catch up on the conversation.

>>Alright. Just be honest with me. Is this about Kyle?<<

[Yes.]

[I know it’s stupid, but I need something to keep my mind off of the whole thing.]

>>I’m not sure how thinking about Kyle while keep your thoughts away from Kyle, but I’ll ask Henrietta.<<

 [Love you, sis <3]

            Kenny quickly covered his phone before Karen could answer him.  His sister would probably follow up with lengthy reasoning about why he should take back from worrying, how it’s not healthy, probably unveil some hidden crush he managed to hide for years…

“Give a man some privacy.” Kenny hissed with fake irritation but his lips were pulled into a smile… then the expression morphed into terror as they eyes met.

 

            Kyle was about to apologize when he felt stinging pain coming from the back of his hand. His skin grew paler as he collapsed back into the chair, eyes glued to his hand. He sensed pain. In the nothingness, his body screamed as his receptors burned up from the only sensation he could feel. He tried to take a deep breath as he gripped his aching hand but he felt nothing. His hands have no effect on himself.

            In desperation Kyle elbowed on the table holding back a scream. With his eyes, he searched for Kenny, almost pleading him to stop the pain, to save him. However, the sensation vanished as it fast as it came. First turning into a dull sting before everything disappeared into nothing and his senses stopped working.

 

            Kenny froze. He couldn’t mutter a word let alone move from the numbing fear. He was expecting many things to happen, but not this. He felt sick and he wouldn’t have minded passing out in Tweek Bros. But that wouldn’t make anything better, it wouldn’t make him forget the terror in Kyle’s expression as his logic failed him. He took a sip from his empty glass out of reflex to distract himself a bit probably to calm down his wildly beating heart.

            He couldn’t help staring at Kyle’s hand leaning closer to him over the table. He wanted to touch him, to soothe the pain somehow… That’s when he noticed something. At first he saw nothing. Then upon closer inspection he noticed a tiny puncture wound.

            The cogs in his brain started whirling frantically as he slowly connected the dots. While he had spent small amount of time in hospitals he knew it well what kind of treatments required a puncture wound on the hand. He felt relieved but also confused as hell.  Until now Kyle felt nothing.

            Also his appearance wasn’t any different than now he regularly looked or on the day of the accident.

            Why did it change now?

 

“We have to talk with Stan as soon as possible.” Kenny muttered under his breath. He needed to know what happened at the hospital...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens. Also I really enjoyed writing Tweek and his own kind of inner chaos!


	6. A Matter of Perspective

 

            Thoughts raced within Kenny as they passed through the old playground.

             He desperately wanted a clue and now he got one. However, it only made everything more complicated and even harder to understand. It was similar to a mystery show where even the clue needs a clue in order for him to understand everything or else he just keeps walking around in a pitch-black room. Yes, the same scenario where he knows the place like the back of his hand _yet_ still manages to fall over chairs and random gizmos scattered around.

            This is how he felt right now at least and Kenny silently waited for a moment when he finally steps on a Lego block.

 

            What bothered him the most was the fact, that he died so many times yet all of this was new even before him! Ghosts with phantom pain were unheard of as they were people left in limbo, away senses locked away from the material world. But Kyle was not dead, so he couldn’t possibly be stuck in limbo! But he shouldn’t feel pain either, which meant his body and soul was connected. Leading Kenny to another problem: what does this mean?

 

            He hastened his steps; glancing back to make sure Kyle still followed him. Since he was the ghost in question Kenny couldn’t hold him and drag the boy in front of the Marsh’s house while demanding answers to his questions. Everything had to be based on mutual agreement or else he would risk losing Kyle. It would be impossible to find him if he decided to leave Kenny alone as nobody else could see him and this thought made Kenny tad bit anxious.

            They definitely needed a solution for that.

 

“I’m still surprised that, you listened to me.” Kenny spoke when they finally arrived to the street where both Kyle and Stan lived. He didn’t miss the look on Kyle’s face when they passed his house, but the redhead quickly hid his expression behind the mask of fake irritation.

“Like I had a choice when you are the only person who sees me.”

“Your words wound me! So am I just a dummy to you? A tool?” he asked in dramatic tone raising his arm above his forehead as if he was about to faint from shock. However Kyle took his words to heart and completely missed his joking tone.

“Of course not!” he defended quickly. ”You were always my friend just…”

“Just?”

“Look, I’ll tell you later. We are here.” Kyle quickly nodded toward the green house.

_Well dodged, Broflovski._

 

            The Marsh residence loomed over them as an eerie dark cloud despite the clear spring weather. For some reason they both knew that whatever is going to happen inside now or the near future will be ugly or at least emotionally straining. Despite none of them talking about it, their memories of Cartman’s emerging burger business and the events surrounding that and Stan’s birthday never really left them.

“Sink or swim, I guess.” Kenny felt his confidence slipping away from him as he forced his hand to push the button next to the front door. They mostly had get-togethers in Cartman’s living room and Stan’s house was mostly uncharted territory for Kenny. After all, not everyone can rise to the ranks of super best friends and earn free pass.

 

            Minutes later, a shorthaired woman opened the door for him. Water dripped from her hands which indicated that she was probably in the middle of washing dishes. Kenny couldn’t miss the dark circles under her eyes.

“Ah, Kenny!” a small smile appeared on her lips, however she still sounded somewhat tired. Probably she couldn’t really get enough rest with an idiotic husband like Randy or she, like many others, were kept awake by worry.

“Mrs. Marsh! Good to see you! Is Stan at home?” he tried with a direct approach.

            Worry seeped into Sharon’s expression as she slowly wiped her hands in her shirt.

“I’m afraid, he isn’t. He probably went to see Kyle.” she forced a smile. “And knowing him, he won’t come home until evening.”

“That’s unfortunate…” Kenny felt they had hit a dead end once again. He stole a glance at Kyle who looked equally out of ideas. They couldn’t just loiter round the house waiting for Stan, especially because Kenny was not among the favoured uninvited guests.

            For some reason it felt wrong to leave Sharon just like that. Like a hit and run case.

            He collected his courage before posing a question to the woman.

“I was thinking… Do you need some help, Mrs. Marsh?” Kenny’s words collided in embarrassment as he continued. “We… I came to visit Stan, but it would be rude to just leave after I interrupted you”

            Stan’s mother seemed to be taken aback by the question. After some hesitation she gave a small smile. “Well, I can’t really say that I’m bored right now.. And you are awfully sweet, Kenny, but I can’t ask you to help me. For once I’m happy about cleaning…”

            Kenny looked at her in confusion.

“You know, it is good distraction.” she explained. “Cleaning takes my mind off from reality.”

“I can’t argue with that.” he nodded knowingly. “Then could you please tell Stan to call me later? I dropped him a message but knowing him, he will forget to answer.”

“That would be something he does often. Don’t worry, I'll catch him once gets home.”

“Hundreds of thank yous, Mrs. Marsh!”

“You’re welcome sweetie! It’s good to see that you stick together through thick and thin.”

“Yeah…”

 

           

            If Sharon only knew about their mess of a friendship she wouldn’t have been so nice would she? Kenny wasn’t sure about that anymore. Truth to be told, he didn’t know Sharon that well, but Kenny was also aware that he wasn’t on the list of top priorities and most loved people.

             In the end he just shared the following sentence with Kyle once they were far away from the house:

“She will probably forget about it.”

“What do you mean?” Kyle asked with raised eyebrows.

“She won’t tell Stan. Have you seen her? She is dead tired, probably haven’t slept well either and given Randy’s emotional intelligence she is still expected to run a household while making sure that everyone’s happy. When Stan comes home she will try to distract him instead of giving him my message.”

            Kyle looked at Kenny in awe. Not because this was the longest speech he’d ever heard coming from those lips, but because he was attentive, insightful and surprisingly clever. A side he had rarely shown in front of him.

“Wow…” he muttered.

“Is this a positive or negative, snarky wow?”

“Choose the one that suits your needs.” Kyle shrugged as they turned back toward the playground. Even this place looked deserted right now…

 

 

 

            While Kenny let Kyle get away with that tiny _wow_ however his previous comment on their friendship still nagged him. He sat down in one of the swings, letting his momentum gently rock him back and forth. Kyle followed his example however, he had no effect on the plastic seat. It kept still under his weightless body.

“Sooo…” Kenny broke the silence. “we were always friends _just_ …?”

“Just?” Kyle looked at him.

“You started a sentence and left it at that.”

“Oh. _That_.”

“That.”

“It was stupid.” he averted his gaze.

“Oh come on! You barely said a word since we left the coffee shop. I know you, Kyle and something is bothering you.” he then added as if to add some lightness to his previous sentences. “Don’t bottle that shit up.”

            It was a coup de grace.

            They sat there in complete silence watching the kindergarteners build a huge medieval sandcastle. One of them kept bringing water from the nearby fountain, carrying the blue bucket like a prized possession. The kids smiled at the fruit of their effort until the water washed out the base of their castle and it’s crumbled under its own weight.

            Kyle watched them laugh at the muddy puddle as he collected his thought. Could he add more wright to his own castle without ruining it completely?

 

“You know, it’s weird to tell you this because I don’t want you to think that I’m fishing for pity points. Or you would probably misunderstand it like most people do when I try to explain myself.” he sighed.

“Try me.” Kenny challenged him. “Tell me what’s on your mind and leave the rest for me to decide”

            Kyle went silent then he suddenly got up and his legs moved on their own accord making small rounds around the fence in front of the swings.

“It’s just… we are friends! Really! We’ve been friends since kindergarten if not longer! You are not just a tool to help, not a dummy either but the more time I spend with you the more I realise that I know shit about you...” he sighed again letting his shoulders drop. “Like, literally, nothing. Two days in and I’m just standing behind you like.. Is this Kenny? Is this _our_ Kenny? It made me realize that I was such a shitty friend to you and you still go around town, trying to help me.”

“Well, for one, you can’t be best friends with everyone.” Kenny let the momentum take him higher until his feet touched the sky from Kyle’s point of view.

            Suddenly the blonde seemed to be unreachable, soaring way higher than him.

“You are already super best friends with Stan, so not knowing that much about me is not a sin, per se. Second, I never really talked about myself, so you had no way of knowing more than any mortal in this town.”

“Still you should be angry with me.”

“Ky, I can’t be angry with you for something you had no way of knowing. You will find other ways to piss me off, anyway... like walking around like a poisoned mouse and pouting about nonsense.” to Kyle’s surprise Kenny let out a honest laugh, taking one big momentum with the swing and jumping out of the seat when he reached the highest possible point. He proudly landed on his feet however he lost balance and ended up falling into the steel railing.

            The magic ended just like that.

 

“Kenny, are you alright?!” Kyle jumped up, but Kenny reassuringly raised his hand while trying to catch his breath.

“Ya!  Just remind me not to do shit like this in the future...” he coughed, massaging his lower ribs.

            This was not the right time to tempt death! Okay, the time was never right for tempting that bastard but he can’t just off himself when Kyle still has his poltergeist problem.

            But life was not fair and in South Park anything could happen so Kenny decided not to play with the idea of losing Kyle anymore. “Look, if something happens to me or… let’s say we lose each other, let’s meet up here.”

“Nothing will happen to you” Kyle told him. “But alright. We will meet at the swings.”

“We will wait for each other as long it takes, right?”

 “As long it takes.”

 

            Deep down Kenny knew that at some point in the future things will take an ugly turn. It was no his pessimism speaking, it was years of experience and the scars this world had left on his soul. Their entire life revolved around chaos and catastrophes so it would be a miracle if they didn’t show their ugly face when he did his best to avoid them.

            However, as he watched the confident look on Kyle’s face part of him started to believe that they can win from this situation. No matter what happens maybe in days or in a week, Kyle will be back on his feet arguing with Cartman at the bust stop.

 They can even cheat death, if they have to!

 

            What he forgot that life was out to get him, constantly trying to fuck him over and sometimes the worst hits come from the places he least expects it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this ended up being a chapter full of bonding moments... To be honest, I can't wait for the chapter where Stan will finally appear, but the next chapter will be about team mom!Kyle


	7. Savepoint

            On Sunday the most ridiculous idea came from Kyle himself as Kenny sat at the table munching on some frozen waffles. He had let it sit on the counter overnight, but even in the morning it still had several iceshards hidden in the pastry. He let the ice melt in his mouth before he raised his brows and looked up at Kyle. The boy went on a lengthy rant after he tried to tell him his plans for the day, what obviously included Stan and running around South Park.

“Excuse me, Ky, but are you out of your mind?”

“Nope. Just out of my body.” Kyle huffed at him.

            Kyle Broflovski just made a joke out of his own misery. _Great._ They reached that point.

“I will pretend I didn’t hear that and my answer is _no_. We will go out and--” he tried to continue but once again Kyle stopped him.

“And what, Kenny? We can’t keep running around in circles collecting one thought a day.” Kyle explained sitting next to the blonde. “We can write down what we know over and over, every time we get a new clue, but you will get tired eventually.”

“You shouldn’t worry about me” Kenny kept munching on the frozen waffle. It became soggy and suddenly lost whatever artificial taste it had. Or was it because Kyle was right?  No, it must have been because the ice had finally melted…

“Yet I do anyway.” Kyle told him with pure concern in his voice.

“Yet you shouldn’t. I can take care of myself and I know my limit––”

 

            Kyle wouldn’t let him finish that sentence. He brought out his own arsenal consisting of pure facts.

“December 6th, 3 years ago you got into a fight that left you with broken ribs, bleeding head and several bruises. I had to patch you up. Then, the next day, I had to drag you out of an alley because your stupid ass went back for more! You almost died...”

            Kenny remembered that incident a bit differently so naturally his interest was piqued.

“Almost?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t call the ambulance because... “

“I get it. Hospital bills, right?”

            Kyle nodded solemnly before continuing.

“I bought your ass home and I did what I could. You were out of it for two days.”

“And I didn’t die?”

“Nope. It was a close call, but you survived it, somehow.”

“And you took care of me?”

“Yep.”

“Fuck…” he murmured into his soggy waffle.

 

            Truth to be told, he remembered it differently. He died. Not just fainted. He straight up died in that alley after a failed attempt to stop some petty criminals. Who would’ve thought that there will be a gun hidden beneath one of the goons the jacket…

            He remembers the burning pain. The bubbling anger. The need to vent.

            But in the midst of these, he faintly remembers pulling out his phone.

            After that he only had hazy recollections of the incident. He woke up in Kyle’s bed thinking that his regeneration powers took him there and decided to flee before Kyle noticed that.

“You left in a hurry after you woke up.” Kyle added as if he just read his thoughts.

“I guess, I did.” he couldn’t hold back a smile. “And you call yourself a terrible friend. I never even thanked you.”

“Well, you didn’t. But I mostly saved your ass when you were out playing cops and robbers with real criminals, so I wouldn’t count that as being good at the friendship.” Kyle’s face reddened a little at the sudden change of atmosphere.

            Next to him Kenny fell silent seemingly thinking about what to do with Kyle and his stubbornness. He avoided his anger, but if he gets back to his original plan, the redhead will possess him to kick his own ass.

“You know what? We will friendship today.” he told him at last.

            Kyle looked at him dumbfounded, so Kenny decided to break out a thesaurus for him. He probably wasn’t expecting this outcome.

“We will spend some time together. No other bullshit. But after today, we will go all out and solve this _whatever_!”

“Sounds fine by me!” Kyle answered almost too quickly.

            Kenny couldn’t miss the relief that flashed through those green eyes. Maybe he gave way too much attention to the accident and not enough to Kyle. But given how stubborn and hardheaded Kyle could be Kenny was honestly surprised that he would propose a day of rest.

 

            Kenny cooped up in his room afterward, bringing some fizzy drink knock off and dirt-cheap snacks he saved from the rats. Kyle sat at his usual place at the edge of his bed while Kenny rummaged through his drawer.

“What are you looking for?” Kyle asked with curiosity.

“Oh, you will see in a minute.” Kenny triumphantly pulled out a black plastic case. “I knew it was here somewhere!”

            He hastily plopped down next to Kyle and the entire bed shook under his weight.

“Is this what I think it is?”

“My hidden stash of sextoys?” Kenny smirked at him, breaking the nostalgic look in Kyle’s face. He would have punched him if he could.

“ _What_?!”

“I don’t have one. I mean box filled with naughty stuff.” he added haphazardly. “But you should’ve seen your face. It was a true Kodak moment!”

“Ha-ha very funny. What else do you have Don Kenneth?”

            Kenny grinned at him, slowly unzipping the case and pulling out something black. “Do you remember this?”

            It was Kenny’s black PSP from fourth grade. The machine which landed him on the list of most popular kids at school for one whole day. Though in that case the console took the spotlight and Kenny was put on a secondary place.

“Does it work?”

            Another proud snort. “But of course, my dear Broflovski!” the machine gave a low whirl as Kenny turned it on. “Also I dared to make some money-saving adjustments on it.”

“So in Kenny language, you hacked it!” Kyle nodded approvingly.

“Wha-?! What the fuck is the Kenny language?” now it was his time to be surprised.

“Haven’t you noticed? Whenever you do something illegal you make up something to avoid using that word.”

            So Kyle listened to him despite not knowing too much about his homelife. Ot made his heart do a little jump in his ribcage.

“I’m not sure who went to jail for taking music off the internet… _wait_ … I did it again!”

“Yep. You took music from the internet.” Kyle grinned at him. “You didn ‘t download that illegally. Not by chance, Hackerman.”

“Alright Kyle. Drop it.”

            He knew he won’t. Kyle would bring this up whenever he has a chance and Kenny slips up. He wasn’t like Cartman, who would keep bringing it up even after the joke got old and had grandkids. No Kyle was more of a tactical player, keeping several moments like this hidden in his sleeves for future use.  

            Instead of letting Kyle continue with his teasing Kenny sat on his bed resting his back against the wall as he started scrolling through the menu.

            He had too many games and choosing something Kyle would enjoy by watching was hard. A mindless FPS wouldn’t be enough and he wasn’t sure about his stand on RPGs with ten hours of grinding. But Kyle did love overcomplicating and the thrill of a good puzzle so Kenny settled with the only game that fit the bill.

“Shadows of the Past?” Kyle looked at him. The name didn’t ring a bell in his memory.

“I think you are going to enjoy it.” Kenny explained. “And we can play together without needing a second controller.”

“And how?”

“I finished the game countless times so I thought about you telling me where to go and what to do while I control this poor soul.”

“But what’s this game is about?”

“No spoilers!”

 

            As Kenny got into a comfortable half-lying position Kyle decided to join him, making sure he accidentally doesn’t fall through the wall.

            He wondered if this scenario would have been possible all along, he just failed to reach a certain level of friendship with Kenny.

            Kyle couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to just be there in person. Resting his head on Kenny’s shoulder while he is trying to alter the past of a videogame character. Like all of his problems suddenly melted away. He even surprised himself, considering how he never fantasized about cuddling up with Stan, but he would be totally fine with Kenny. He couldn’t believe he had to die a little bit, to realise that…

“I think we should recommend a library so we can check the books in the future.” He told the blonde to distract his thoughts a bit. “Also the girl still deserves a kitten. We should get one from the director.”

“We would lose time by bringing her a kitten from the future. Are you sure?” Kenny asked despite already choosing the recommended dialogue option.

“Both events are in the same place. We will manage.”

            The library was created; they got some clues from and old alchemy book only to recommend a museum ten minutes later. They both took up the momentum of playing the game together and got lost in the comfortable routine as they kept jumping to and fro in time.

            However, Kyle didn’t miss Kenny awkwardly falling toward him when he thought there was a solid body next to him. The blonde jumped a bit, then continued the game after he repositioned himself next to Kyle. They fell silent after that until Kenny opened his mouth.

 

“You know,” he started after they reached a major plot point in the game and the screen showing the end of the chapter appeared. “I always felt jealous of Eike. He can always prevent his own death, so he doesn’t really remember the doomed timelines and the pain of dying.”

“He still knows about it, though. Also the homunculus makes sure he remembers. He resurrects him with his memories of death.”

“...True. Then I guess we are really not that different…”

“What do you mean?” Kyle leant closer.

“You wouldn’t understand. Or just forget about it like always.”

            Kyle had to laugh at the similarity of the situation and on how the tables have turned.

_Try me._ He wanted to repeat Kenny’s words from yesterday. But these talks had to happen when the situation called for it and he wouldn’t risk ruining a perfect evening. So instead of nudging Kenny, he just nodded in understanding.

            If Kenny really _did_ tell him about it and it completely went over Kyle’s head, he will have to understand this on his own now.

“Considering how I am sitting here as a ghost I think I could accept anything.” he murmured under his breath.

“Even if I was a cursed monster?”

“Dude, you are too handsome for that! Cursed monster my ass.”

“Wait… what did you just say?” Kenny beamed at him.

“Nevermind.” he rolled his eyes.

“Am I handsome? Really?” Kenny once again leant closer to Kyle still clutching the PSP in his hands.

“Oh look, we are running out of time!” Kyle shrieked, faking panic while pointing at the timer on screen.

“You didn’t say no, so you do think I’m handsome!” Kenny smiled to himself as he jumped away from the doomed timeline and chose their next destination. “I am faltered, but you’re not bad yourself.”

            Kyle would’ve probably blushed in embarrassment if he could but nothing really got through the big nothing that occupied most of his existence. The only sensation he felt was the tingling, annoying pain in his hand, but he refused to let Kenny worry about that so he kept his mouth shut.

            He was actually dead set on today being a day for relaxation. He will tell him if the pain remains tomorrow or in case it gets worse…

 

            He set his gaze on the screen again as they were running around a fictional Dutch town.

            Something about the character in their game irked him. He gave some thought to the poor hero who actively tried to prevent his death, but he just couldn’t understand why he would want to live. They had no clue about the man himself, so for Kyle he was just a plot device for a greater story about alchemy and time travelling.

            A person who keeps cheating death to live another day.

            Would he do that, if he had the ability to turn back time?

 

 

“...le. Kyle!”

“Hm?” he was shaken out of hiss reverie by Kenny.

“What should we do next? Save the baby or prevent the death of the wife?”

“Uhm… Let’s prevent her death. Maybe we can save them both?”

            It was a foolish idea. By not focusing on any of them, both of them died.

            In a way, it was strange… seeing his decision backfire was definitely not what Kyle had imagined as a fitting ending but he would accept it. Yet Kenny went back, reloaded their previous save and saved the baby.

“Isn’t that cheating?” Kyle murmured under his breath.

“No. Because I only did it once and it’s not like I tampered with the code itself. But I want you to see one of the better endings. So you will say: Man, I sure wish I knew the rest of the possibilities!”

“So you are lowkey trying to sell me on this game and since you are the only one who has it…” a smirk appeared on Kyle’s face. “It’s not like I’d be opposed to see the rest of your library, you know.”

            There was no way Kenny could talk himself out of that blush. This time, however he paused the game fighting back an urge to curse under his breath. He can’t continue until he recovers from this suffocating feeling of embarrassment. _What a slip up._

            And Kyle even dared to flirt back. Well it takes two to tango.

“Anyone would be lucky to have your undivided attention all for themselves.” he winked at Kyle, but his facade quickly melted when he felt the burning sensation return to his face. He was good at pickup lines or do he thought. However, this line was more like a Stan-thing with some extra cheese on top.

            He thought he had to be scared of Karen but no, he was his own damn enemy, tumbling down into the deep ravine as he got more and more comfortable around the redhead.

            It was due time Kyle started to pick up the signs he managed to carelessly scatter around. And man, he would surely get roasted about his feelings if not worse…

“Hey, Ken, we can always go to my place. I know you are not comfortable about inviting people over to your place.” Kyle tried to save the situation, seemingly missing the point.

            The situation got worse with each passing moment.

 

            As Kenny prayed to the gods of all religions and cultures he heard a knock on his door. He immediately felt relieved when he heard a soft voice coming from the other side of the door.

“You should go while the water is still warm.”

“Alright. Thanks.” he answered Karen.

            He hastily put the PSP in sleep mode, before jumping off the bed and hurrying toward his door. He had to get out of there, as soon as possible.

“Wait, where are you going?” Kyle was about to go after him, but Kenny quickly answered before opening the door.

“Just taking a bath.“ he said forcing a smile. “I know you can’t get enough of me, so if you want to join me, I won’t stop you.”

“I’ll pass.” Kyle let out an embarrassed laugh and sat down. “And just wait here.”

“Good. I mean, okay! Expect me back in like ten minutes”

            Kyle was about to ask him if ten minutes would be really enough for Kenny to finish, but by the time he opened his mouth the boy was out of the room and hasty steps echoed through the house.

            The redhead let his back hit the mattress as he stared at grey ceiling. Next to him the PSP went completely silent, but his mind went back to the train of thoughts he was forced to leave earlier.

 

            Would he turn back time to prevent the accident? Probably not. As he lay in the makeshift bed consisting of several old mattresses, he realized he felt some kind of weird happiness bubbling inside of him. He saw places he hardly ever visited anymore, people he hardly ever interacted and he got to know a completely hidden side of Kenny.

            Ironically, he was livelier than he ever was in the past few months and all of this happened because a car hit him while he was on his way to school. He let out a shallow laugh as he thought about the past few days.

            The vestige of the days he never got to experience in person... and never will.

            Part of him wanted to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They were playing Shadow of Memories! I thought about Resident Evil first, as it is one of the games that can be played by two person while one of them is only a spectator, but I decided that SoM fulfilled the thought-provoking part way better.
> 
> Also the picture is slowly coming together piece by piece. Now with some extra feelings involved on both sides.


	8. The Things You Were

            As much as Kenny hated to admit, Kyle was right about yesterday in more than one way. He really needed to rest in order to see their problem from a completely new perspective. Even his body thanked him for not running around all day. But admitting this, would only fuel Kyle’s ego and Kenny was not so willing to be followed around by the younger version of Mrs. Broflovski.

            Mostly because Kyle would certainly try to boss him around after his first success, holding him back using logic and reasoning because it worked against Kenny _once_.

            Truth to be told, Kenny preferred the physical version of the boy, as he was easier to control and make him shut up in various ways.  Also, the physical version didn’t follow Kenny around all day like a second shadow. That was good in a way, that the boy had some privacy for himself and had the luxury to choose when to talk with Kyle. But he had to admit, that a few days of being almost inseparable from the redhead made him realize and admit several things he probably wouldn’t ever say it out loud.

            But being inseparable led his mind to the first and biggest problem: Kyle was still running around without his body. Which soon led to the second problem, it was probably a temporary state and he had no idea about the deadline or the goal he had to reach. What if they had already ran out of time and this was just a temporary state before Kyle completely disappears…?

            Kenny held his breath, feeling his chest tighten.

            He had no idea what would he do if things came to that and he would rather avoid thinking about it while Kyle was next to him. Alive.

            They still had time, he reminded himself before falling back asleep in the middle of the night.

 

 

            However, that day Kenny was woken up by a muffled scream that filled his room. His brain immediately sounded the alarms as he stumbled out of his bed, getting tangled in his blanket and falling through Kyle in the process.

            He jumped back in panic trying to measure the situation. Kyle’s hand hanged limp next to him while he was trying to hold back his scream with the other.

            When Kyle noticed Kenny’s presence next to him, the redhead looked at him in terror. The boy looked like someone who just ran a marathon. Dishevelled, taking quicks breaths as if he would do normally in the state of panic. Maybe his body was really in state of panic…

“It hurts…” he told Kenny at last, in quivering voice.

“I know… What happened this time?”

            Kyle was lost in his thoughts for a moment before he looked up again.

“I have no idea… I saw you waking up at night, then suddenly everything disappeared and I was alone, feeling empty. Someone punched me and I couldn’t breathe. There was nothing... Then someone held my arm. I definitely felt that almost as if I was right there. Then something cold and wet touched my arm and the pain came afterward…” Kyle tried to connect the events without any success. “Maybe… it was just a blood sample…”

 “Sounds like it.” Kenny nodded.

            It didn’t sound like it. It was something much worse.

“How are you feeling now? Still nothing?” Kenny asked, worry clearly visible in his tone.

“Well actually I still it feel tingling…?” Kyle looked at his arm “Last time the pain disappeared almost immediately. Maybe this is a good sign?”

“I hope so.”

 

            While Kenny didn’t like the act of lying, he believed that at times white lies and smaller fibs were allowed. No, actually they were necessary to keep things peaceful in their situation by coating a truth in a kinder lie. He tried to look at Kyle one more time, but it didn’t get any better and by the time Kenny pulled a shirt over his head, he was sure that this was not only his brain playing tricks on him.

            He could see through Kyle and some parts of his body already became almost transparent.

The meant, that Kyle was fading, right in front of him. That certainly didn't mean any good.

“Are you sure that everything is alright?” he asked, trying to hide the worry on his face. “You don’t feel funny at all?”

“You’ve asked that already. Really Kenny, I’m fine.” Kyle huffed. “But you should look in a mirror.”

“Why?”

“You are pale as a ghost and you are clearly lying. Did something happen?” Kyle asked concern seeping through his words. He knew that the blonde was trying to find out something without revealing too much. But Kyle was unable to determine what Kenny was getting at with his questions.

            And before he could’ve asked anything else, Kenny opened his mouth.

“I’m not lying. Just the nerve. You scared the shit out of me.” the blonde shrugged taking up his usual pokerface. “But I’ll get over it, eventually.”

“Then why are you staring at me like that?” Kyle raised a brow.

“You were screaming on my floor and still have to ask?” Kenny responded with a question. He desperately wanted to escape from Kyle’s questions so he raised his voice a bit. The unintended aggressive tone in his voice however, seemed to hit something in Kyle. It was not helping that the redhead was already irritated by Kenny’s nosy questions.

“Well, sorry for that. Next time, I’ll punch you when I have an attack and I feel like dying!” Kyle growled at him and Kenny was taken aback by the intense emotions. Feeling this, the redhead went for the kill, letting his anger completely take over his words. “But wait, I can’t even punch you! And maybe there won’t be a next time because I’ll just fucking disappear for good! But no, you can’t even tell me what is bothering you, because you always have to be secretive about everything like a masked superhero!”

“Nothing is bothering me!” Kenny tried to defend himself raising his voice a little.

            When he saw the expression on Kyle’s face he knew this was the worst possible answer.

“At least don’t lie. Not now.” he warned Kenny.

“I’m not lying and I refuse to continue this discussion.” he stood up walking to his chair to get his clothes. Without looking back, he told this to Kyle. “We will come back to it once you’ve properly calmed down. Not sooner...”

            The discussion ended with damages on both sides and Kenny didn’t miss the look on Kyle’s face. Like Kenny just stabbed him several times, after he’d killed someone right in front of him. The boy just sat on the floor, opening his mouth as if he was trying to say something but in the end, he averted his gaze and his lips formed a thin line.

 

 

            Truth is, Kyle was not used to people going up against him and this seeped through his entire persona. Anger took over his mind when he felt that his pride was repressed by someone else and he was forced to admit his failure, even if he was visibly standing on the losing side of a futile war.

            The fact that Kenny decided to scorch the earth in order to prevent Kyle spreading flames of his anger made the boy speechless. Not even Stan would tell him to stop. Nobody would stand up against him that way once he went on a stampede…

“Are you coming?”

            He heard Kenny calling for him, looking back over his shoulder.

“What else would I do?” he sighed however his voice lacked its previous energy

            Kyle shambled after Kenny in defeat.

 

***

 

 

            Sill hurt from their previous argument, they haven’t said a word to each other on their way to school. Even after Kenny literally fought Cartman to prevent him from sitting on Kyle they remained silent never exchanging a word with the oher and pretending to be be looking the other way whenever Kenny tried to make eye-contact with him.

            Unsurprisingly, Stan wasn’t at school despite all of their hopes. Cartman however, took this as a free pass to do whatever he pleases. Right now, as both Kyle and Stan were away from school there was nobody to stop him and he went for the next person in line.

“Mind if I sit here?” he asked with a mischievous smirk closing in on Kyle’s desk like a hawk on its prey.

“Yes. Yes, I do.” Kenny muttered trying to sound indifferent but his irritation was written on his face.

“Great! You know, it gets lonely without the faggots!”

            Kenny knew this game.

            But he always watched it from the side-lines, while Kyle fought for everyone in their class. He would get riled up in the other kid’s malicious words and slurs until he finally snapped.

            But now, without Kyle, Kenny ended up being the number one target on the dartboard. He felt exposed under Cartman’s gaze and he knew that the boy was watching his reactions carefully. Making mental notes on his weaknesses, thinking, planning and waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike… Just like a vulture.

            Kenny knew what he was getting into. He knew it was only a scheme to anger him, to make him step out of his comfort zone and do something stupid. Yet as Cartman stood up and walked over to Kyle’s seat, he couldn’t stop himself. Kenny quickly jumped up and stood between the desk and Cartman.

“Cartman, don’t make me repeat myself…”

“Then I won’t,” Cartman shrugged. “I’ll just sit down here. It’s not like this chair is blessed by the Jew’s ass. Geez, Kenny.”

            An evil smile flashed through Cartman’s expression as he started lowering his body.

“Don’t test my patience…” Kenny warned him.

“Oho. Or else?”

            Kenny was about to demonstrate what happens when Eric Cartman wants to annoy the hell out of him, but the moment he pulled the obese boy closer by his jacket, he heard a familiar voice.

            Someone who refused to speak to him all morning suddenly opened his mouth.

“Kenny, don’t do it!”

            When he looked to the side, Kyle was right next to him. Furrowing his brows at the scene. Kenny was about to say something, adding more to Cartman’s petty little list of how to get him but fortunately Kyle understood his situation almost too well, and decided to voice his thoughts for him.

“It’s not worth it... Well, not today at least.”

            He saw it… saw that Kenny desperately wanted to say something but kept it to himself, swallowing back the words.

            Kyle just nodded in agreement with a small smile playing on his lips.

“What? Did you have to reboot, Kenny?”

“You know what,” he looked at Cartman with newfound determination as he lowered his body. “I’ll sit here instead.”

“Ha! Like you would survive a day in the limelight,” Cartman snorted, but it seemed he gave up in the end.

“I’ll manage.” he shrugged. Setting his books on the desk. Cartman threw him one last glance before returning to his seat, muttering something to himself.

 

            Kyle thought about sitting in Kenny’s seat but decided against the idea, so he just stood next to him, occasionally telling Kenny the right answers to the teacher’s questions.

            He knew that Kenny won’t be able to speak to him at school, unless they were completely alone. But they still managed to make things work somehow.

_I spared you the price of disinfectants. Now you owe me a lunch._

            Kenny scribbled down on the side of his notebook once class started. Kyle only let out a laugh standing next to Kenny.

“Dude, I would’ve set my desk ablaze if his fat ass touched it.”

            It was Kenny’s turn to snicker. Imagining Kyle dragging his chair and desk away only to set them on fire was too in character. he would just stand there, watching the flames ate away at the desecrated furnitures.

“Kenny, would you tell us what do you find so funny?” the teacher asked him out of the blue.

“Nothing.” he said quickly.

“Alright, kid. But you should get yourself checked if you can laugh at nothing.” the teacher told him before he returned to his blackboard.

            _If this goes on they will send me to a mental asylum. So don’t make me laugh, pretty please_ _♡♡♡_

            He complained proudly drawing hearts behind his words. His attention was mostly back on the words in front of him so he completely missed the confused expression on Kyle’s face.

 

 

            They didn’t speak for a while and Kyle started getting antsy. Listening to class was nearly not as interesting when he couldn’t add anything to it and to his surprise; Kenny did his best to focus on the subject. That’s when it hit him… He was invisible and he was always curious about what his classmates did in class.

            With a smile on his lips he started walking around.

            Kenny had the writing style of a doctor. Unreadable scribbles, unless you were used to them. Aside from that they seemed to have every important information.

            Clyde’s notes read more like texts to his friends. Abbreviations everywhere.

            He was surprised to see Craig putting an academic person to shame. His notes were filled with extra information the teacher mentioned in between.

            Wendy’s notes were similar to his. Not much to mention as he was familiar with it.

            Jimmy was an arrow-type of person. Putting arrows literally everywhere he had to make a connection between sentences. It looked more like a plan for world domination, than notes for class.

            Childish schadenfreude filled his heart as he stepped next to Cartman and he did not disappoint. The boy’s notebook was filled with crude and childish drawings and one or two words were scattered among the lines. Overall, this was anything but useful.

            He proudly walked back to Kenny, whispering:

“I _so_ knew that fatass takes to ugliest notes!”

            Kenny nodded in agreement before writing another sentence.

_It’s not like he needs those. You know how he is when he wants something._

           

 

            The rest of classes passed uneventfully. Cartman went to nag Butters about some stupid way to get rich, but this time, ‘for real’. Almost immediately proving Kenny’s previous statement about Cartman having the brain to use others for his own selfishness.

            On the other hand, at least they got rid of him.

“It would’ve been problematic if he wanted to tag along.” Kyle explained on the way.

“Uhum. And…?” Kenny raised a brow as he was waiting for another sentence.

“And I really didn’t want to deal with him.” Kyle admitted in defeat. Kenny only chuckled at his response.

 

            They let the comfort of silence envelope them as they walked past the boring old suburban houses and watching cars roll by. There was no use of running away anymore and Kenny decided they needed Stan's help even more than before. He had to know what happens at the hospital, before--

“I’m sorry.” Kyle told him out of the blue. Kenny only stared at him in confusion, halting his steps.

            Kyle’s body was still half transparent and he prayed that the apology was not connected to some sort of sappy goodbye, like in the movies he had to watch with his sister. He wasn’t ready for that.

“Why?”

“Well, I was an ass to you in the morning.” he spread his arms apart in defeat. Kyle was admittedly terrible at apologies, but he tried his best this time. “I just… I really don’t know how to deal with this. For a moment I thought **this** is it… That you will wake up and I'll be... But-’”

“But it wasn’t. You are still here.” Kenny finished it for him softly. He felt something tickle his nose and he struggled to fight the stinging sensation in his eyes. Now was not the right time.

“You are right.”

“Ky, tell me next time. The moment you start to feel shit.”

“I can’t wake you up whenever someone moves my body.” Kyle argued.

“If it causes pain, you can.” he corrected.  "I'd rather wake up to you calling for me, than to wake up to the second possibility."

“But you need to rest...”

 “And since when did this ever stop you from nagging others?” Kenny winked at him referring to all the times Stan complained about Kyle visiting him in the middle of the night only to drop his complains at him.

“Hey!”

 

            The blonde then reached back for his parka and pulled it over his head as if to signal the end of their current discussion. As he watched the grey clouds which threatened them with rain since Saturday, he heard Kyle speaking next to him.

“Why the parka? It’s not raining yet.”

“I don't know. Just pre-emptive measures, I guess.”

            Truth to be told, it was already raining but this was a much more serene. A quiet rain that washed down whatever paint covered him from inside once he was hit by a painful realization.

            Until now, Kenny tried to coat his worries in positivity, quiet laughs and barters and because Kyle was constantly with him, playing along in this silly game, Kenny forgot something important.

            Nothing lasts forever…

            He realized why he wasn’t so keen on meeting Stan despite constantly scolding Kyle for having the same thoughts. Both of them were scared of the future in similar ways.

            And Stan knew everything way before him.

            Way before Kenny started playing make believe with Kyle on his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the weather, my good mood just decided to hide under a frog's ass, making sure that I won't find him for a week (or several weeks) orz Even Dr. Marsh couldn't help me... 
> 
> Originally I wanted this chapter to contain the meeting with Stan, but it felt like a good idea to end it here. Because the next chapter will hold several big revelations and I thought Stan deserves his own chapter.


	9. Puzzles and Pieces

            In the end, Kenny let his leg take him back to the Marsh family's house no matter how much his instincts screamed at him for this idea. They will regret it. He already regretted the moment he told Kyle that they shouldn’t leave Stan alone.

            He worriedly kept glancing toward Kyle, who was in the middle of holding a monologue about the things that upset him about their neighbourhood. A new kind of fear took control over his heart when the reality of their situation finally hit him.

            Kyle was fading. Kyle was in a hospital. Kyle was ––

 

            He stopped himself from thinking it further once they finally reached the familiar house. This time he had the perfect excuse to be there, so he pushed the bell without any hesitation and once again it was Stan’s mother who opened the door for him.

“Oh, hi Kenny.” she greeted the boy. “Here to see Stan?”

“Hi, Mrs. Marsh! Yes! I bought him the notes for today!” this time however, he didn’t let Sharon get rid of him so easily. He stepped forward with determination. “Can I wait for him here?”

            A kind smile found its way to the woman’s lips. However, in contrast her voice came out strained, almost exhausted.

“Actually, Stan is here already! No need to wait for him.”

            This statement caused Kenny and Kyle some confusion as their eyes met. According to their knowledge Stan didn’t miss a single day at visiting Kyle in hospital. Why would he change this today?

“Did something happen?” Kenny asked cautiously.

            Sharon nodded, hesitating at first and averting her gaze as she tried to find the right words.

“…What happened… Kyle’s heart stopped at night and they had to perform resuscitation twice. His state is stable now but… he is under 24-hour surveillance.” she paused for a moment. “Stan couldn’t visit him today.”

            Kenny just stood there, petrified. Few sentences managed to throw him into a carousel of questions and chaos. He was pretty sure his heart skipped several beats under the span of half minute.

“I… I see…” he deflated. What else could he say in this situation?

“I almost died…” he heard Kyle quietly muttering to himself. “No... I died..”

“But he is fine now, right?” Kenny asked weakly, as if seeking clarification for both of them.

“Yes.”

            That was it. They had to talk to Stan, immediately.

“Mrs. Marsh, can I go upstairs to talk with Stan?”

“Yes. Yes. Of course.” she nodded stepping aside to let the boy inside.

 

            Kenny slowly took the steps leading upstairs while Kyle silently followed him, keeping at least some distance between them. The news obviously shocked the redhead and now he looked lost, as if he’d just started considering giving up. Kenny glanced back over his shoulder, flashing him one of his trademark, lopsided smiles.

“Everything is going to be alright,” he whispered so quietly that only Kyle could hear it.

And something in the back of Kyle’s mind told him, this was the truth. Because for some unknown reasons he believed Kenny’s words more than ever.

            But the magic quickly vanished when they opened the door and had to face with the reality they both tried to avoid with all their might.

 

            Silence enveloped the room as they stepped inside. Seeing the big lump on the bed, they immediately knew that Stan was hiding under a blanket. Or so it seemed.

“Hey.” Kenny greeted him before he slowly sat on the edge of Stan’s bed. Kyle silently followed his example.

            There was no answer. The bundle of blanket stayed silent.

            Kenny put his hands together forming a pillow then rested his head on them as if he was sleeping, then pointed at the bed. They couldn’t really whisper in front of Stan and sonce there wasn’t any pieces of paper in sight, they had to use simple gestures.

“No. I doubt that. Stan sleeps like he is fighting a war with an army of demons when he is stressed.” Kyle answered his question. “And he hates the heat, so there is no way he’d pull the blanket over his head. Just pull it off.”

            Kenny nodded, reaching for the blue blanket and slowly pulling it toward himself until it revealed tufts of black hair and a boy expressionlessly scrolling down twitter.

            It was useless to ask Stan, Kenny understood everything at first glance at the same time he had no idea how to start a conversation. Especially a conversation regarding Kyle. So he just sat there awkwardly gripping the blue blanket in his hand.

“Have you found anything interesting on twitter?”

            Stan looked at him from the corner of his eye.

“Not really,” he went back to scrolling and his finger continued its monotone swiping motion.

            As on cue, Kyle leant closer to Stan’s phone checking the screen of his phone. It was a twitter feed, to be specific it was _his_ twitter feed containing everything he thought in the past several years. Every angry rant, mindless rambling he shared with the internet was on Stan’s screen.

“He is reading my twitter posts.” Kyle explained to help Kenny as he sat back in disbelief and his shoulders slumped. Stan acted like someone who already lost his best friend.

            As if Kenny just read Kyle’s thoughts he jumped to his feet, forcefully tearing the phone out of Stan’s hands. The boy angrily reached toward Kenny to get it back, but the blonde just stepped away from the bed, challengingly lifting up the smartphone. There was something Kenny’s expression that made Kyle’s heart jump for a second. Something flashing through his expression that quickly hid away beneath his anger.

“Stop acting like Kyle is dead!” he told Stan with pure irritation.

“I don’t act like that!” Stan sat up. He looked like a former shadow of himself. His hair probably hadn’t seen a comb since the accident; dark circles caused by lack of sleep were almost glowing under his eyes.

            The last time he was so deep down the rabbit hole was when his parents got divorced for the first time. But it was just a temporarily downfall and they somehow managed to drag him out of it before he did something truly stupid. Kyle could only hope that this time there wasn’t a bottle of Jack Daniels involved. He still remembered the expression on Stan’s face when he flushed the content of a bottle down the toilet.

            He wanted to ask Kenny about the smell, but the conversation continued without him.

“Then why are you doing this?” the blonde asked.

“Because I can't think of anything else?” Stan admitted with a sigh. “I’m at my wit’s end, Kenny. If… If I had to, I’d even take Cartman’s kidney with my own hands! But he doesn’t need kidneys to get better.”

            And there they were, in the situation that left both of them terrified. Kenny had no idea how to deal with this. He desperately wanted to add something worthwhile to their conversation, yet he hadn’t got the right skills to reply appropriately. He glanced toward Kyle who kept nodding toward him encouragingly. Putting words into his mouth would probably make things worse.

“I know…”  was all he managed to say.

            He didn’t need to look at Kyle to feel his distress like he’d just chose the worst dialog option in a game. Well Kyle would have to lead him through this somehow, then… He was only good at listening, but comforting someone demanded tad bit more participation than nodding along and humming at the end of sentences.

“I know you would do anything to help him,” Kenny extended his previous sentence. “You are his super-best-friend after all!”

“If I was really his best friend, then I’d be able to help him. I–– I could switch places with him,” tears welled up in Stan’s eyes as possibilities started appearing in front of him one after another.  “I could turn back time and warn him or something–– At this point wouldn’t even mind if _I_ was in hospital instead! Even that would be better than to see Kyle connected to all those machines–”

“Stan, stop.” Kyle muttered to himself.

“Stan, stop this thought right now.” Kenny parroted helplessly, trying to keep his tone as calm as it was humanly possible. “It was an accident.”

“But maybe if it was me, then I’d be already up on my feet…” Stan added, with tears streaming down his face. “He was always weaker than me… What if he catches something at the hospital? An infection? That flesh-eating bacteria?”

“You don’t know that. Nobody does. He will get better soon. Give him some time.”

            The look Stan gave him made Kenny step back a little.

“Dude, listen to yourself for a moment! You fucking think he has any time left?” Stan walked up to him and stopped one step away, cornering Kenny in the process.

“Yes! Because I believe in him and I know that Kyle would never walk away from life!” Such encouraging words, but only served to fuel Stan’s irritation even further.

 

            Kyle would never walk away from life, right? He never really shown signs of this unlike his three best friends, so obviously, Kenny never really thought about this possibility until now…

“Trust me, he––” his voice shook with tears.

“He wouldn’t!” he cut in quickly. “Do you think he would just leave you? I bet my ass, that even now, he is freaking more worried about you than himself.”

            Stan took a deep breath, voice growing hoarse from crying.

“That would be a really Kyle thing to do.” he smiled weakly, before his face scrunched up again and he started rubbing the tears from his eyes, only to start sniffling again.

            It seemed to be contagious because as Kenny watched Stan slowly crying away his doubts, he felt that strange feeling of sadness wash over him again. His eyes met with Kyle’s as the stinging feeling disappeared from his eyes and he felt wetness on his face. It became impossible to contain his sorrow anymore. Everything he tried to sweep under the rug came back with full force, catching Kenny completely off guard.

            He didn’t want to lose this boy. Not now, not ever.

            But he didn’t want to cry yet. If everything turns out for the worse he will have an entire life to mourn anyway. No need to waste those tears when Kyle is an arm away from him. He took a deep breath and tried to swallow back his feelings, smiling through them like he always does.

 

            However, Stan seemed to think the opposite. The tears just didn’t want to stop and when he finally calmed down enough to start talking; he was shaken by another wave of emotions. Kenny was at a loss. He often comforted Karen when she cried, but there was a difference between a friend and his own sister. He looked at Kyle as if he was waiting for some kind of advice.

            Not like he ever needed a permission to be touchy-feely with his friends, but annoying someone on purpose was way different than calming them. However, the redhead seemingly had no idea what to do with Stan. Kenny noticed a distant look on the boy’s face. Then, he realized he wanted answers from someone who is just as awkward when it comes to feelings.

            He let out a tiny sigh before he threw the phone on the bed and pulled the crying boy into a hug. He really ran out of ideas, but this will probably help. In movies, it seemed to be working at least.

            He felt Stan tense up in his arms, but he quickly relaxed and let the muffled sobs fill out the silence between them.

“I don’t want him to die!” he hiccupped, clutching the hem of Kenny’s orange coat with his trembling hands.

“Well, that’s good, because he won’t die. After all, he survived worse.” They just need to get his soul back to his body somehow. What’s that compared to drowning in piss and fighting alien nazi zombies?

 

            They stood like this for minutes, listening to the soft sound of raindrops as they hit the windows. Kenny slowly let go of Stan once he felt that his breathing became even.

“Better?” he asked with a small smile.

“Kind of… Thanks.” he forced out an answer, his eyes and nose still red, but his voice was calm at least.

“And now your face is a mess. Don’t start crying out of the blue, because I’ll cry and then Kyle will get angry at me and kick my ass!” Stan only nodded in sheepishly, while he tried to stop the tears that rolled down his cheeks.  He already got used to not understanding what Kenny meant with his words so he just accepted them without hesitation even if he knew that Kyle would rather kick Cartman’s ass than to hurt Kenny.

“Sorry, dude.” he muttered under his breath sitting back to his bed. “But when I think about him, my brain points out that today or the next day I might lose him…His mother will call us at two in the morning… only to tell us that he is gone…” he said tears running on his face. “He almost died three times already…”

“Wait… Three?” Kenny asked weakly. He had no information about the other two cases.

“In the morning of the accident and… Saturday morning…” he sniffled. “And today.”

            Kenny tried to put together the crumbles of information Stan provided. It was like getting new pieces for a puzzle and finding a place where they fit in the bigger picture. Kyle disappeared three times, the last one being last night according to Sharon, his heart suddenly stopped. Everything fit together perfectly and Kenny only noticed it now.

            He was so blind.

“I see…” he muttered still being in shock from the revelation. “Do you know anything about Kyle?”

            Stan let himself fall back on the bed. “I don’t and it sucks. He shouldn't be in coma at all… Nobody understands a thing.”

            Silence enveloped the three of them, letting some time for additional thoughts.

“What were you doing on his twitter?”

            Stan only shrugged.

“I wanted answers or something like that. I know it’s childish but I thought; if he shouldn’t be like this because physically nothing is wrong with him, what if this is caused by something else. So I started scrolling back on his public and locked account and… You know, I call myself his super best friend, but I didn’t even realize how unhappy he was.”

 

            Almost on instinct Kenny looked at Kyle who sat as far as he could on the bed while they were talking. Almost as if he was embarrassed by his posts, Kyle quickly averted his gaze and stared at the floor like a child who was caught at doing something bad.

“Was he unhappy?” he frowned. “Also he has a locked account? I had no idea.”

“Yeah for both questions. He had some pretty negative tweets as his timeline gets closer to the present. Dude, he was constantly stressed about something…” he sniffled, pulling out a used tissue from his pocket. “You know how I’m not really into social media, so I thought that he was just moody like always when Cartman tests his patience.”

“Well, I don’t think he blames you for not noticing. Not at all.” Kyle raised his head at his comment looking at Kenny in confusion. He didn’t miss that gentle smile nor the way Kenny stole a glance at him.

“How can you be so sure about it, Kenny?”

“Because if you killed a man, and called him in the middle of the night, he would arrive with two shovels only to ask where do you want to bury the corpse! He is Kyle, after all.” he took a short pause before continuing. “We were both at fault and I think he is angrier at himself for never saying a word.”

            Stan didn’t answer and they sat in silence, listening to the soft pitter-patter of rain as it hit the windowsill. At first, Kenny thought he had said something bad, but there were no further tears on Stan’s face. Seemingly, he was thinking about something, frowning at the ceiling like it would hold the answers for all of his questions. He looked at Kenny, then looked back at the ceiling, resting his hands on his stomach.

“You like him.” Stan came to the conclusion out of nowhere. He was probably trying to solve his own puzzle in the meantime.

“Oh, I do?” Kenny asked heat slowly rising to his ears.

“It seems so. You have the same expression as Craig when he talks about Tweek.”

“Wait, wait, wait, I’m supposed to comfort you!” he defended weakly, pulling his parka over his head in reflex. “Give you a friendly hug! Force you to rest and all that jazz! Not listening to you making wild assumptions!”

“I think it’s more than just a wild assumption. Trust me, I’m an expert.”

“Yeah. Sure.” he faked a wry smile.

            Damn, his promise on staying alive, he wanted to jump out the window to escape from this torture. Stan can’t just out him this easily! Especially not when Kyle is present and he is giving him that trademark look of confusion, pulling the ears of his hat!

            Stan looked up to him from the bed like he just won the lottery. He still looked extremely exhausted, but Kenny noticed that some light returned to his eyes at the chance of having a casual conversation.

“You should tell him.”

“Tell him what exactly?”

“All the sappy stuff I tell to Wendy all the time?”

“First, you finally admit that it is sappy, Second, Wendy is not Kyle so that wouldn’t really work…” he answered from behind his parka, trying to sound as neutral as he could. “Let’s drop this topic for now.”

“Alright. But you have to tell him!”

“Eventually…” he muttered to himself so quietly that not even Kyle could hear him.

 

            The rest of the evening went on like always. Kyle recommended watching a movie and helped Kenny to choose one of Stan’s favourites that seemed to cheer him up when he was in down moods. The calming rhythm of the rain and the music coming from the tv seemed to have its effect and when Kenny looked at him, he was already asleep, head resting on the headboard. He slowly crawled off the bed and repositioned Stan’s body so his head was on his pillow and pulled a blanket over him.

            He knew, they couldn’t really comfort Stan and it was actually an impossible mission. You can’t just erase sorrow with a hug and pretend that everything is okay again. Wounds like this are far too deep.

            But Kenny hoped that for the time being he served as a distraction until he got a full night of sleep at least.

 

            As the boys made their way downstairs Sharon stood up from the couch and stopped them, pushing an umbrella into Kenny’s hand.

“Your clothes will soak through in a minute in this weather,” she explained and Kenny only nodded approvingly as he left the house.

            He had no idea where this kindness came from, but opened the blue, checkered umbrella nevertheless and signalled Kyle to get under it too, earning a hesitating and confused frown from the boy.

“I won’t catch cold, you know.”

“Maybe you won’t.” Kenny nodded in agreement. “But I don’t want to see you out under the rain when we have a free umbrella.”

            Kyle didn’t argue, he just stepped closely next to Kenny. However, he didn’t miss the raindrops hitting the boy's shoulder as they walked toward the train tracks. Apparently, the umbrella was too small to protect both of them from the rain.

“You will get drenched if you keep doing this,” Kyle warned him, but Kenny only hummed in response.

“Sometimes getting drenched helps you sort out all kinds of thoughts.” he added before Kyle could continue scolding him.

 

            If this scene was straight out of a movie probably both of them would get drenched at some point while sharing some kind of mutual understanding as they walked through the town at night. But Kyle lacked the experience for that kind of feast. Also, he had several questions about today, but decided to keep them to himself until he finds the perfect moment to bring them up again.

“Do you regret today?” Kenny asked him once they reached the end of suburbs.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, that thing with Stan…?”

            Kyle shrugged next to him. “Oh that, I don’t regret it. It was bound to happen eventually and I’m happy that you were there for him.”

“That’s all?” Kenny asked cautiously.

“Y-Yeah. Today was eventful. And this might be a shitty thing to say, But.. I’m kind of glad that Stan misses me...” he admitted hanging his head a little. “Sometimes you don’t see this side of people when you meet them every day…”

“I see you every day, yet I still miss you.” Kenny noted.

“...”

            If it wasn’t for the car that hit him few days ago, this would’ve been a perfect chance for a secretly whispered confession. Getting drenched together, while they have a heart to heart about the day, hands slowly gravitating toward each other. Suddenly, he felt a strange feeling within his entire being: frustration. It filled up the emptiness, but also tortured him to no end, because he felt powerless in this form. As if he was forced to watch life pass by right in front of his nose, while him and Kenny lived in completely different worlds. Trapped in a scenario where one of them could stop existing at any moment. With no time left for discussions about feelings.

 

            After spending several days like this, Kyle realized, he would give anything to wake up and face his friends as himself. Piece Stan back together after all the pain he caused. Apologize to Kenny for putting him through this hell. Maybe give him that well deserved hug…

 

            As he thought this, Kyle swore he could feel something wet on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this was a ride... And the end is so close...


	10. Without You

            Kenny woke up in the middle of the night and immediately regretted consuming the cheap sugary drink while they watched some old action flick on his phone. He made a beeline toward the toilet, still on autopilot, unaware of his surroundings. He did not notice Kyle being absent nor questioned his whereabouts as he wandered back to his bed and fell asleep for the rest of the night.

            Even in the morning as he lazily tried to convince himself to get out of the protection of covers and walk to their bus stop he noticed nothing out of the ordinary.

            _Silence._

            He couldn’t hear Kyle’s voice calling his name as he tried to kick him out of bed.

            There was nothing.

 

            He almost immediately shot up in bed and frantically started searching for any sign of the red-haired boy. He was sure his heart stopped beating for several seconds when he couldn’t locate him anywhere.

“Ky…? Kyle where are you…?”

            Kenny squinted, hoping that Kyle was there, he just turned extremely hard to see, but he would’ve surely noticed that trademark green trapper hat even next to his grey walls. Praying that the boy just decided to wander around the house, he jumped out of his bed, still in his socks and he rushed through the house, taking a glance into every room. He even checked the wardrobes in case this was just some trick.

            _Empty_.

            He stood in the living room, trying to piece together everything; hoping to find a logical explanation on the way, but every answer was against him. Kyle wouldn’t wander too far. He wouldn’t play tricks on him in dire situations, because he was way too serious for that.

But if something happened to him…

            He ran back upstairs tearing his phone off its charger in panic, hid the notifications from Henrietta and he quickly started scrolling down in his phone book until he found Stan’s number.

            He swiped the call button and the phone began its rhythmic humming as it tried to reach the other side. He body tensed up after every dialling noise, anticipating something, but in the end only Stan’s voice mail answered him. He tried again, and again, until he decided to leave an actual voicemail, hoping that Stan was at home, sleeping and not somewhere else.

“Hey, Stan,” he tried to sound casual, pushing back the feelings that lingered around him, but his voice broke as he spoke. “I… Just had some sort of nightmare and I felt I needed to check, is Kyle okay? Call me back. Please.”

            It was a shitty message. He should’ve started by asking about Stan, but his mind went into full panic mode halfway, erasing his last bit of common sense. He tried to call him again.

“Answer… Answer…” he muttered under his breath, not noticing how much his hand shook as he held the phone to his ear. But the line was silent. He threw the phone on his mattress immediately regretting it when he saw the device bouncing back from his mattress and crashing into the ground. It fell apart with a plastic thud.

            Cursing, Kenny leapt after it quickly picking the pieces off the ground. It didn't break, fortunately, just the screen protector cracked like it had a spiderweb inside. Not like this truly mattered at the moment, but Stan could call him back later!  

            As he clumsily tried to snap the pieces back together, Kenny felt something tearing his heart apart, clawing and pulling at it while he tried to calm down. It was a completely soundless suffering.

            His room was way too silent as it reverted back to its original state.

            It should’ve been normal. No. _This_ was the normal state of his room! he was used to this! Yet right now, he couldn’t bear it. He felt tired, senses numbing from the overwhelming amount of stress that kept piling up in the secluded part of his mind. When his vision grew blurry, he decided to finally let go of the reins of his emotions. He was gripping them hard enough in the past days.

            A muffled sob forced its way through his lips as his mind tried to make some sense of an already impossible scenario. Breath left him as if his lungs had suddenly clenched. All he could do was to stare at his broken phone as if that would eventually provide him a solution.

            Did he just lose a battle? Or were they always fighting against impossible odds? Or rather, reality? Kyle wouldn’t answer these questions for him. And finally, this got his gears turning…

            He hastily reached for the brown jeans he discarded right next to his bed last night and started to get dressed. Tears streaming down his face, he sometimes stopped to take a short breather in order to get himself together and wipe his tears away. He left his schoolbag next to his desk and stepped out of the house with the silence of a shadow.

 

            They didn’t really talk about it, but he had the feeling that Kyle would be at the only hospital that had the courage to stay in this crazy town and he doubted that Stan would take the bus all the way to Denver and back, every day. Though, Stan would probably do that. This wouldn’t be the first crazy thing on his list.

 

            With Hells Pass in mind Kenny ran as fast as he could. The cold spring drizzle cooled him off along with the wind that occasionally hit him from the sides. He got past the main street, risking his life while running through several red lights. He didn’t have time to die!

            He dodged cars, jumped away from incoming glass doors and falling flowerpots with ease. His entire life was about playing catch me if you can with Death, after all.

            However, he underestimated his opponent. The moment he jumped away from a speeding car, his leg got caught in a thrown-away metal can. He fell on his face and lay there for a minute before he managed to pull himself together. Red stream of blood was trickling down from his nose and forehead, accompanied by a dull pain in his knees.

            It was just a scratch compared to his regular wounds, but it seemed to disturb his inner rhythm enough to cause several mistakes whenever he started running faster. When he tried to take a swift turn, his legs slipped on a plastic bag and got tangled under him, resulting in another fall. His head buzzed and he was pretty sure that the screeching, static sound was not coming from outside, yet his adrenaline went through the roof, causing him to stand up and continue his dash.

 

            He was a hundred metres away from Hells Pass Hospital, heart beating faster and faster in anticipation with some fear merging into it. That’s when he made his biggest mistake. He forgot about death constantly looming above him.

            It was only one step. To his surprise his foot didn’t touch the ground when he tried to put it down, it fell through it and the momentum forcefully dragged Kenny toward the concrete. There was an open manhole right in front of him, and he managed to run right into it. He felt a bone in his leg cracking as he quickly got pulled under. In fear, he instinctively tried to push his torso forward to grab the ground on the other side of the hole, however, the impact in his chest made him see stars. He hit his head as he slipped into the sewers under the town, leaving trail of blood in his wake.

 

            He didn’t die immediately, but he was barely hanging there.

            His upper body landed in the pavement next to the sewer, while the water washed over his legs. Kenny didn’t even want to know what touched his legs as he lay there. Frustration ran through him as his knuckles slowly turned white.

            Life fucked him over again.

            The tears were back too. Suddenly, everything felt hopeless and he wanted to scream.

 

            He would’ve given up already and let emptiness take over. He was about to drift away when he heard a familiar voice shouting his name in panic.

“Hey…” he breathed out. Great now he was imagining Kyle, like talking to his out of body self was not wild enough. The imaginary Kyle was telling him something, he even touched his face, probably trying to sweep away his fringe to look at the wound. If Kyle could do that in reality, because…

            He didn’t feel thing.

            He was so tired to register what was happening anymore.

            His vision got blurry, but he didn’t fight it. He couldn’t find a reason why he should do that. Instead, he let himself being carried away by darkness as the voice calling his name slowly faded into nothing.

 

<=>

 

            Unsurprisingly, when he woke up he was back at home, staring at his ceiling with an empty gaze. He felt like wailing, but the cold bath he took in South Park’s sewer system seemed to wash away the worst of his emotions. Tears rolled down his face, silently hitting his pillow as he recounted the events of yesterday.

            Something happened to Kyle. He refused to think about death or admit that the boy might have died.  Maybe his soul was finally back in his body, or even better, he finally woke up and now he is trying to reach him…

            He snatched his phone away from his nightstand in hope that he had a missed call from Kyle. His heart sunk a little when he realized, he only had several missed calls from Stan, Henrietta, Karen and one from Cartman.

            Just when he was about to check his messages his phone buzzed in his hand and Stan’s name got plastered over the screen.

“Hey.” he answered the call awkwardly at this point Stan would either give him devastating news or confirm his belief.

“Hey!” Stan greeted him on the other end. He sounded much more energetic than when they visited him. “Dude, did something happen? We haven’t seen you yesterday at school.”

            So they managed to get Stan out of his shell. That was a positive change in some way.

“Shit hit the fan at home.” he lied effortlessly, sitting up on his bed.

            Stan went silent, probably thinking about how to answer, but in the end all he said was; “I’m sorry.”

“No need. You know how it is.”

“So… You plan on coming to school?”

“Well, I see no reason to ditch classes today. Though, wait…” this was his now or never moment. “Is Kyle alright?”

“Ye-yes. Yes he is, but I already told you this in text already, even asked if you want to come with me today.”

“I couldn’t get to it yet. Sorry! Well then… I’ll meet you at the bus stop.”

            So Kyle was alive. His heart felt somewhat lighter, despite not knowing the exact circumstances. That fact alon **e** was enough to make him see the silver lining.

 

 

            Once he stepped past the unused pair of rusty tracks, he didn’t go straight for the bus stop. Instead, he decided to take a detour toward the playground remembering the promise they made days ago.

            If they lose each other, they will have to meet at the swings.

            It was probably his last chance. If Kyle won’t be there they they’ll have no ways of solving the case and getting his soul back to his body. From then on, he can only hope for the best while knowing that Kyle was out there, somewhere.

            With each step his heart was beating faster and faster.

            He murmured a little prayer under his breath as he stepped over the forgotten toys that were left in the sandbox. And he swore his heart stopped for a moment or at least skipped several beats in a row when he saw the familiar green trapper hat. A wave of relief washed over Kenny’s thoughts and a strange kind of happiness wiggled its way into his heart.

            Kyle was not transparent! The boy sat on one of the swings looking like he normally did, staring at the ground in front of him.

“Kyle…” he muttered as if trying out the name before shouting it with full force and lunging himself at the boy, almost falling through the swing. “KYLE!”

            His attempt for a hug was met with the impossibility of the receiver having no body, but this didn’t stop Kenny from hugging the air. It was the thought that mattered.

“You are okay!” he told Kyle stepping away to get a better look on his face. He wanted to laugh. He was there!

“I am. But what about you?” Kyle frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“Yesterday you couldn’t see me…” Kyle noted, voice going quieter. “I was right next to you when you woke up.”

            Kenny felt his strength leaving him in an instant, face going pale. If Kyle was with him the whole time it meant that he had seen everything starting with his ugly breakdown.

“You were with me all day…?”

            Kyle nodded.

“Well, only until I lost your tracks. I called your name but you couldn’t hear me.”

            This was embarrassing and awkward. Out of every people in South Park, Kyle was the one who shouldn’t have seen him panic and lose control over his emotions. It broke the illusion of him being laid back friend.

            Kenny weakly flopped down in one of the swings and did his best to avoid looking at Kyle’s face. Since his entire body was on fire thanks to embarrassment, he unzipped his jacket letting the chilly morning air cool him a little.

            Neither of them spoke at first. Kyle didn’t talk about what he’d seen and Kenny wasn’t willing to throw in his feelings yet.

“I-Is your head okay?” Kyle asked lamely out of the blue.

“Yeah.” Kenny nodded.

“And your leg?”

“That too.”

“But you fell hard yesterday, you were bleeding. Are you sure it’s not broken?” he persisted.

“A hundred percent sure. Really Ky. Don’t worry.”

 

            The air went still around them once again. From the distance, they heard the sound of passing cars and let them fill out the gap within their communications, until Kyle told him in a hushed tone.

“You have no idea how worried I was.” 

“Oh, please, try me.” a coy smile appeared on Kenny’s face, yet his voice sounded tired. Stress was getting to him again. “I’ve experienced the seven stages of worry.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not a thing.” Kyle countered.

“For me, it is! And it only appears around a certain Broflovski.” he answered, but the next moment he let a smile get a hold of him. “I’m so glad you were here, though. I never imagined that not being able to you would be so terrible.”

“Yeah… I hated not being able to talk to you... I never want to see you cry like that again…“ Kyle’s tone grew sombre, he probably went too far with his last statement so it was time to switch to more neutral topics. “I wonder what caused it. Everything seemed to be normal, but you suddenly couldn’t even sense my presence! It doesn’t make any sense.”

 

            Then it hit Kenny. The only significant event that happened yesterday was him dying. Like a lost traveller, he started tracing back his steps, slowly answering his own question. He didn’t die for almost a week and eventually for no reason at all Kyle started to turn transparent without his condition getting worse. Then Kenny dies. He dies in the stupidest way possible. And Kyle is there again.

Like relighting a candle which light had gone out in overnight.

            Kenny finally understood the reasons, but he also felt strangely disappointed. He had hoped for something else. Like them sharing a meaningful connection, even friendship would’ve been fine.

            But it turns out, everything happened because of his curse.

            He wanted to bring it up, to share everything with Kyle, but in the end he just gritted his teeth and swallowed back his words. There was no need to make things more confusing by including something none of his friends could understand and Kyle definitely didn’t need to hear his inner turmoil that early in the morning. It was better to write off this entire phenomenon as a strange coincidence.

            “Well, whatever happened, it is gone now.” he told Kyle in the end. “Maybe we will find out something at school.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to apologize. A small scenario ended up as an entire chapter of suffering, but they are almost there and the story is almost finished...! We know the "how" all is left if Kyle and his "why".
> 
> I ended up splitting the chapter, because Cartman deserves his own chapter to shine. Well, "shine" in his own, petty and Cartman-ish ways.


	11. All Eyes Are On You Now

            The chilly spring morning continued like any school day. Kenny fell through the bus door, catching his breath after the mad dash between the playground and their usual meeting spot to spare himself from an hour of walking in the drizzle.

“I thought the poor can only run after money…” Cartman mumbled under his breath. His tone completely monotone, almost as if he tried to measure up the situation before advancing with a plan.

            Kenny couldn’t help but feel nervous. The atmosphere suggested that something truly bad was in the making, but he had no idea what to expect or where to escape when the storm finally hits them.

            Reluctantly, he ignored the comment and instead, he greeted Stan with a weak smile, before he silently went to his usual seat in the back of the bus. There, he pointed at the seat next to the window, then at Kyle, who closely tailed after him ever since their tearful reunion.

“You know that I don’t need to sit.” Kyle shook his head in disbelief.

“Still, I insist. Please?” the blonde whispered, pulling the neck of his jacket up to somewhat muffle his own speech.

“Well, we don’t sit next to each other that much anyway...”

            With a shrug, Kyle accepted the offer and weightlessly flopped down on the dirty seat with Kenny in his wake. They didn’t speak to avoid further attention, but through the entire ride they could feel kids staring at them, though their senses probably only registered Kenny.

“I think they are looking at you for taking two seats for yourself.” Kyle tried to solve the case. He was close, but still too far away from the solution.

            However, when Kenny answered with a tiny “ _Probably_ ” Cartman almost instantly used the gap in their defence and jumped at the word like a starving dog.

“Looks like I was right… Kenny is finally losing it and now he is talking to himself. It only took one Jew!”

            Kenny tried to ignore the incoming remark, but he could still feel Kyle’s intent on drowning Cartman in a spoonful of water. The rest of the kids exchanged confused glances, not really understanding the reasons for Cartman’s mockery this time. Fortunately, the rumour about Kenny going around South Park while he talked to a ghost was only known by a few and the fact that Kyle was in hospital was something they couldn’t really laugh about.

 “Dude, leave him alone already! He is tired and worried like everyone else,” Stan bent over the elbow rest of his chair and looked back. “Stop being an ass this early in the morning!”

 

            Surprisingly, this made the fat boy grow silent as he went back to fish out a chocolate bar out of his backpack. What Stan missed was the crucial moment when Cartman’s words bitten into Kenny and Kyle at the same time. Just a tiny drop of poison, and unless someone rewound the discussion to its beginning, it was almost unnoticeable. Yet slowly, it started seeping into thoughts and actions as if it was a constant reminder that this day will turn worse soon enough.

            Kyle felt guilt welling up in him, when he realized how his absence turned Kenny and Stan into targets for Cartman’s cruelty. Stan didn’t have that many traits to make fun of, but Cartman found a perfect target practice in Kenny. After all, poverty was his second favourite theme to make fun of, right after Jews. Kenny definitely didn’t deserve this fate after everything they went through.

            On the other hand, Kenny got hooked up on the tiniest details about the small jabs. Cartman was surprisingly attentive when it rewarded him with a chance to be mean and feel superior. He knew it well, if Cartman once started to nag someone then he wouldn’t be satisfied until he stirred up at least a little storm about it. And it was only matter of time before that storm reached them.

 

            The first half of the day flew past without another incident, but this only made Kenny even more nervous. As they sat in the cafeteria he decided to keep their regular conversations, by Kenny sending himself messages through their shared chat application. Kyle answered them while sitting at the edge of the seat. This way he didn’t spam anyone’s account because every message was sent to ‘Kenny McCormick’, yet still pretended to be really busy with another human being.  They didn’t have to know that the true recipient was Kyle.

[So, what now?] he typed, munching on his stale sandwich.

“I have no idea. We don’t really have any leads left. And we finished our to-do list too.” Kyle sighed next to him. They finally arrived to a dead-end and they were running out of ideas.

[I have tons of missed calls from Henrietta. Well, only 3, but coming from her, that’s a lot. And she wrote a message saying she needs to talk to me!]

“That’s something, I guess.” Kenny was about to look at him, when Kyle suddenly stopped him. “Don’t move! Cartman has been looking at you all day.”

[I know. I know. It’s not like you to back off from a fight with him.]

“Yeah. I wouldn’t back off from punching him. But I’m not here in the physical sense!” Kyle answered with a  huff. “I’m more worried about you.”

[<3]

“Kenny, stop! That’s gay.” the boy whined next to him and while Kenny couldn’t look, he just knew that the tiny heart managed to get Kyle a little bit flustered at least. He couldn’t help but let himself smile as he typed.

[Only for you.]

“Oh my god!” From the corner of his eyes, he sensed Kyle standing up from the table, then saw him walk around the cafeteria, murmuring about something while making wild gestures, before sitting back next to him. Kenny couldn’t help but snicker at the scene, making everyone at the table look at him in confusion.

“What would Kyle say if he knew that you are cheating on him?” he heard a sharp comment from Cartman, who was focused on pushing more fries into his mouth.

            Kenny was about to bite back but he just took a breath, eased his shoulders and said, “In order to cheat on him, I have to date him first.”

            It was the most logical thing to say, also probably the least hurtful in his current situation.

“Like he would date your poor ass!” Cartman snickered in his seat. "You would have to pay a monthly fee." 

 

            However, thanks to the distraction, Kenny completely missed Craig’s eyes on his screen as he read his messages and saw Kenny’s own name on the top line of the application as recipient. The boy who wore his blue hat day and night, coughed, not really knowing what to say at first. Once the table went silent around him, Craig looked at Kenny, seriousness clearly visible on his stoic face.

“You should get some rest. Tweek is worried about you.”

“Why would Tweek worry about me?” Kenny sat back, furrowing his brows.

“Beats me. I’m not the one who wanted to get caffeine poisoning at his father’s shop.” Craig shrugged. He decided not to mention the string of self-messages on the screen.

            As a response, Kenny only turned back to his stale bread. He definitely didn’t enjoy suddenly ending up in the centre of attention.

“Oh. That.” he mumbled into the food.

            Even Stan couldn’t really let that information pass by and he raised his head at the faulty logic that was presented before.

“Wait! Kenny you don’t even drink coffee. Why would you go to Tweek Bros?”

“I drink coffee.” Kenny’s words were muffled by the food in front of his lips. “Occasionally.”

“Sure… But you would never pay 5 bucks for it.” Stan kept trying to get him to speak, but the blonde was not easy to break even when he had everyone’s attention.

“I said it was a special occasion…” he murmured half-heartedly. “We-- _I_ needed to do some brainstorming. About the accident and all.”

“Look, Kenny, I won’t tell you how to live your life, but whatever you are doing is not healthy.” Craig told him fair and square. It was useless to sugar-coat the facts anyway. He didn’t want to mention that Tweek had seen Kenny talking to himself for more than an hour when he visited the café and asked for a triple espresso. Even if he didn’t like Kenny that much, he hated Cartman enough to not give him anymore fuel to rip on the boy. They had enough problems as it is.

“Like you know what’s healthy…” came the answer, before Kenny stood up and left their table.

            Craig told him what he needed to hear, but he didn’t expect this kind of reaction from a patient kid like Kenny. As Craig looked at the people in front of him, tiny part of him regretted opening his mouth…

            Token shot him a glance which was equal to a silent “ _Dude, seriously_?” from his part.

            Stan looked even more worried than before.

            Cartman pretended not to care, which was already a bad sign.

            Craig Tucker just gave a shovel to Kenny and asked the boy to dig a hole for himself, despite the fact that he would do the same if Tweek was in Kyle’s place.

 

\- - -

            After school, Stan caught up with Kenny in the hallways, hoping to include him in his regular afternoon routine.

“How about coming with me to the hospital today?” he tried to ease the atmosphere a bit, giving Kenny a hopeful smile. This seemed to work, because the blond dropped his previous defensiveness and answered properly, although it wasn’t the answer Stan wanted to hear.

“Sorry dude, I want to, but…” Kenny looked at Kyle, “I’m not good with hospitals. I almost died there years ago, so I’m not so keen on returning yet.”

            Bad move. Really bad move!

            Kenny cursed himself several times when he saw Stan’s expression morphing into a mix of regret and worry.  He shouldn’t have reminded Stan that Hells Pass was the worst possible place Kyle could be. Furthermore, it’s not like Stan was super enthusiastic about hospitals, they made his stomach churn, but he swallowed his anxiety for his friend. Still, he accepted his Kenny's decision.

“I see... That’s a valid reason.” Stan hung his head lower. Sitting alone in a white ward  and hoping for something to happen was not among his favourite things... That’s when Kenny had an idea.

“However…” Kenny started as if he was pulling a honeyed yarn in front of Stan. “Since you will be there physically, I have a request to make.”

            Kyle seemed to have wandered away from Kenny when curiosity got the best of him and he started eavesdropping on the conversation between Craig and his gang.

“Sure, I guess. As long as you don’t want me to smooch him for you.”

            Kenny was sure his voice jumped a pitch higher at the idea. “What?!”

“This seemed to be the most Kenny-ish possibility.”

            Again with the impossible word of _Kenny-ish_ , did Kyle and Stan talk about him behind his back?! The blond took a deep breath, then countered, the previous remark. Kyle couldn’t hear them anyway, so he didn’t feel the need to get away from the conversation yet.

“Like I’d let you do that, Stan. You would puke all over him in _my_ name and that’s something I won’t allow.”

“Oh. You finally admit liking him! A progress, dude!” Stan’s face lit up. “And what if Kyle is different? What if he is an exception?”

“First, I did not admit anything. Second, that would make us rivals and believe me, you don’t want that.”

            Stan let out a hearty laugh at the nonsensical reasoning. “Alright. I get it, Romeo. So what do you want me to do?”

            A blush spread over Kenny’s face as he realized that Stan was willing to follow his instructions. He wanted to get his feelings across probably more than ever. It was just a simple and innocent gesture, but he was sure that the boy who was currently preoccupied with spying on their classmates would appreciate it. He looked around before pulling Stan closer, whispering the exact request into his ear. It needed to be a surprise, after all!

 

“Jesus, you act like two girls.” Cartman complained as he put his books away to his locker. “I hope you don’t plan on painting each other’s nails. Or better, paint Kyle’s nails.”

            Kenny felt anger boiling in his chest, like a string that was about to snap. He loved peace and quiet, but Cartman lately acted like a cat who kept mooching around the stove and it was only matter of time before something scalded him. Maybe it was the right time to fight back. Part of him had to admit, ever since he was forced to act on the frontlines, he had gotten used to acting on his own, calling out bullshit and dealing with his problems instead of letting them sort themselves out. He looked at Stan almost like he was warning him to a fight.

“Stan, you should go to the hospital. See if Kyle is alright.” he told him, indicating that he didn’t want Stan to witness what was about to go down between him and Cartman. The boy quickly waved goodbye and went on his way.

 

            Kyle was far away enough to miss Kenny turning to the Cartman.

“What’s your deal, fatass?” He let his pent up irritation seep through his words.

“Nothing really… I simply started wondering.” Cartman shrugged nonchalantly. “You have changed, Kenny and you are making me concerned. Ever since _Kahl_ is in hospital you’ve gotten obsessed with him, even going as far as talking to yourself while you neglect everyone else around you. I wonder why?”

“That’s none of your business...” he was starting to get angry.

“But you never even visited him in hospital.”

“You talk like you did.”

“Because I did visit him,” Cartman retorted with a victorious smirk, his voice retaining his wheedling tone.

            Kenny looked at the fat youth in disbelief. Cartman was certainly trying to guilt trip him into admitting that he was a terrible friend, but why? Why would he even think about visiting his worst frenemy in hospital and then call out Kenny for now following his example?

“What’s more important, I wouldn’t really sit on visiting Kyle for too long if I were you. The next Jewish cemetery is far far away from Colorado.” he smiled before going in for the kill. “I doubt your poor ass could ever afford that. And when the inevitable happens--”

 

            A loud metallic thud rang through the hall. The remaining students raised their head in alert at the unusual sound.

            Kenny grabbed Cartman’s sweater and forcefully pushed him to the lockers. Looking at the boy, like he was ready to murder the cause of their problems, making the world a better place for everyone else.

 

            Feeling that people have started staring at them, Kenny gritted his teeth and pulled Cartman away from the lockers and with a swift motion he pushed the boy inside an empty classroom. This had been eating him away for a while now and he wouldn’t let Cartman easily off the hook only to restart the same dialogues tomorrow.

            His previous passiveness made itself scarce from the time being as he started questioning Cartman.

“What is your problem?!”

            Cartman could only blink in confusion at first before answered the question with another.

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you rooting for Kyle’s death?!” he asked pushing Cartman further into the classroom until his legs hit a desk. However, the fat boy lacked his previous sly expression, his face reflected seriousness. It was not the petty smirk, or the evil glint, but a genuine and mature form of earnestness.

“For your information, I am not doing that,” he scoffed before continuing, slowly gaining back control, “But I also don’t try to live in denial. He has been in coma for how long, a week now? He will eventually die either because of a natural cause or when they finally let him go.”

“They won’t let him go!” Kenny retorted, his hands shaking from frustration.

“You are telling this to yourself, saying that now. But there is always a moment of uncertainty when they start to consider that option. Once they reach that point, it is only matter of time, dear _Kinny!”_

            And that was the problem with Cartman. He was the petty villain who thought of himself as their local hero and while his ideas were often far-fetched and absurd, he had a talent for putting pieces together and include the existence of human nature to calculate the possible reactions.

            In a way, Cartman was capable of considering the worst possible scenario and build on it. Kenny had to admit, that aside from being a petty asshole, he was quite insightful even if it was for the sake of being mean-spirited asshole. He saw through everyone like they were made of glass while being mindful of their smallest gestures.

            Kenny felt cornered, despite the fact that there was nothing threatening about the other boy’s presence. Even the tone Cartman spoke to him was more along the lines of seriousness. But the facts themselves were painful, especially when they were laid out in front of him with such ease.

“And after all of your comments, you expect me to believe you.” Kenny muttered weakly, Cartman only shrugged with a smile.

“Alright. Let’s get this straight…” Kenny nodded to himself. “You don’t want him dead.”

“No, you dimwit!”

            Kenny could only furrow his brows. This was getting more and more confusing.

“Do you want to tell me that your goal is to make his entire life miserable?” he tried again from a different. It seemed to be a good guess, because a Cartman triumphantly stepped away from him.

“Dude, Kenny, where is the fun in a circus you can’t watch? I want him to be miserable when I am around, otherwise it’s not fun.”

            Looking at Kenny’s lost expression Cartman couldn’t help but sigh.

“Kyle is my nemesis, but also, by some sheer coincidence, he is my friend. In some sense, you might say that we stand on even grounds, but on the opposite sides of the same room…”

            He didn’t elaborate on the fact that most of his actions were driven by pure jealousy because someone living right next to him had everything he couldn’t have. In some sense, Cartman was a spoiled kid who was aware of the emptiness of the compliments and gifts his mother gave him and because of this, he felt jealousy biting into him whenever he saw people his age get genuine positive reactions for their work. In a way, he overanalysed Kyle to the point where he noticed the smallest changes in their shared environment.

            This meant, while Kyle remained ever so oblivious to the world and social structures around him, Cartman was completely aware of Kenny’s futile efforts of getting closer to Kyle. While it was amusing in the beginning, the more he was forced to watch, the more his inner cupid screamed in distress.

“Clock is ticking, _Kinny_. You should tell him.” Cartman winked at Kenny out of the blue what made shivers run down on the blond’s spine. “Stand next to his bed, give him a monologue or something. The Jew could solve cubic equations at the age of ten, but he is actually blinder than a mole.”

            Seeing that he managed to throw Kenny into another inner turmoil, Cartman gave a pleased huff, slipped out of his grasp without ease and made his way to the door.

            Kenny was speechless. He hated Cartman, at the same time; he had to admit that the obese guy was right about many things. He didn’t even notice that he clenched his fist until now. One wrong word and he was ready to punch that bastard… Yet in the end, his plan to fight for Kyle backfired. Instead, he got shot; several times.

 

            Wearing a defeated expression, he exited the door, where his eyes almost immediately met with Kyle’s. He was the perfect reflection of Kenny’s bad mood. Kyle’s shoulder hunched as he slowly walked closer to him.

“Did something happen?” Kenny asked as they walked down the corridor. School was out and almost every student left the building.

             Kyle could only stare at the tiles in front of him, thinking hard whether or not he should share his findings with Kenny or to keep his mouth shut about the news. In the end, he realized it was meaningless to keep secrets at this point. 

“I’ve heard Bebe and Wendy talking and...” he started, worry clouded his face. “So Wendy is thinking about breaking up again…”

“They just got together like, two months ago. I’m pretty sure it was just her regular complaining about Stan not running around her like a lovestuck puppy,” Kenny replied, but whether it was just a plan or a possible future Wendy breaking up with Stan was always bad news and meant several days in the pillow-fort of pouting. Kyle was a pro at providing a shoulder to cry on, while Kenny just followed whatever plan was presented. Probably, he wouldn’t be able to drag Stan out of his shell alone.

            Everything went silent around them. He could almost hear the gears turning in Kyle’s brain, trying to find a solution, an answer, _anything_.

“Kenny,” he finally looked up at him, his voice was almost pleading. “Would you… Would you keep him company when I’m not around…?”

“No. Because you will be here for him.”

“I… I know… Just, you know… In case I’m not.”

“Still no. We will be there for him. Both of us. End of story.”

            Kyle wanted to tell him something, but he only averted his gaze and kept staring the grey concrete in front of him.

 

            They walked home in silence afterward. Neither of them was in the mood to talk, and they couldn’t really bring themselves to start conversations about the weather and their close surroundings. Frustration of this kind was strangely alien for Kenny and he feared that if he opened his mouth his doubts and fears would also escape. Was this attraction to Kyle this obvious? People keep calling him out on it, so that could only be a yes. Maybe Cartman was right about everyone knowing about him, except Kyle… However, when he was about to bring it up, his phone buzzed in his pocket then started playing the instrumental of a familiar pop song.

            The caller was named _Heni_ and Kenny had the unfortunate feeling that she is not calling him to ask about his plans for the evening.

“Henrietta?” he began, voice dripping with uncertainty.

“Oh, wow, so now you answer! It only took me two days.”

“Well, it’s not like you vigorously tried to hunt me down” he laughed weakly.

“Because only conformists do that. But I thought you would be more interested about what happened to Kyle and how you can reverse it.”

            Kenny almost dropped his phone.

“Have you found something?!”

“Something is bit of an exaggeration. But Karen and I put our heads together and came up with a possible explanation. However, let me warn you, you won’t like it.”

“Just don’t tell me he will never wake up.”

            He could almost see Henrietta shrugging on the other side of the line as she flicked the end of her cigarette into an ashtray.

“It’s entirely up to Kyle. If I were in your place, I’d tell him to get his shit together because this won’t end well.”

“Won’t end well? What do you mean?”

“Get your conformist ass home and you will see. I don’t need you to make my phone bills more expensive,” she hissed over the phone having enough of playing the role of a dispatcher.

            Kenny had a terrible feeling about the news he will get once they open the door, but all he could do was to stare at Kyle as if he was asking _Just what the hell did you do?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cartman appears at last! Also there might be a 13th chapter, because the more I'm thinking about Chapter 12, the more I realize that there should be a final-final chapter to divide the tones properly.
> 
> Next chapter will feature a really disappointed Kenny.


	12. Waving Through The Windows

Nobody commented on it when Kenny basically burst through the door. Rather, they nodded to themselves approvingly, that their son finally creates some ruckus around him like a boy of his age should, then went back to their previous argument.

 They had no way of knowing that Kyle tailed after him ever so awkwardly, keeping his mixed thoughts about this whole investigation to himself. While he liked Henrietta, he was not sure about her credibility as a spiritual investigator. Furthermore, her methods probably went against logic and common sense. Putting his soul back into his body was not the same as summoning the spirit of the late Edgar Allan Poe!

Yet, while his thoughts kept eating at him, he followed Kenny without hesitation, only to walk right through him, when the blond suddenly stopped in front of the room shared by Karen and Kevin.

 

\- - -

On the other hand, Kenny hesitated more than he ever did, and for a moment he thought about going to the other direction, hiding under his ratty blanket and sleeping for several days. But while Henrietta warned him that he won’t like the answer, he couldn’t help but be hopeful about it. If he knows the cause, finding a solution would be much easier. Well, in theory.

The breath he was holding back started to burn his lungs.

He pleadingly looked at Kyle, who only returned his lost expression. “Hey, don’t look at me like that, I can’t really do anything.” the redhead shrugged, shifting his non-existent weight from one leg to another.

There was really no other options… Kenny let out a sigh, then weakly knocked twice.

     Soft, almost rhythmical thumps echoed around them as Karen opened the door. Her black hair that had purple highlights hidden here and there was down. Furthermore she was wearing one of the colorful fuzzy hoodies Kenny got her as a gift making the overall picture more eclectic than it should’ve been.

“Kenny!” her face lit up when she realized who wants to talk to her. “So Henrietta finally managed to reach you.”

“After many failed attempts. Yes.” he nodded solemnly.

“Did she tell you anything? Anything about Kyle and ghosts?”

“Nope. Nothing.” _She just stated the fact that I’ll probably hate the results of your little research_ , He added in his head with a grimace.

“I see. Hmm… That’s both a good and a bad thing then! Come in!” she stepped away from her door letting Kenny step in. “Well it took us a day... But we have found something in one of Henrietta’s books! But… Uhm… Ah… It _is_ kinda bad. In a way.”

“Hit me with it, sis” Kenny told her, leaning on her desk, a hand-me-down from Stan. “It can’t get worse than it is already.”

"Kenny, are you sure about this?" Kyle added from the background.

"Absolutely."

Karen cocked her head in question, not really understanding the vague references her brother gave her about his previous experiences. However she was used to Kenny and his half-sentences so she let it slip past her. Instead she kneeled down to her backpack and pulled out a transparent file; stuffed full of photocopies and notes written on post-its.

“I think you should give this a read. This is everything, probably. And don’t forget to read the sidenotes!” she pushed the stack into Kenny’s hand, never looking into his brother’s eyes. “I… have some reading to do. That book report won’t write itself...!”

     Kenny reluctantly stared at the file in his hands and he was about to leave, when suddenly hands wrapped around him and Karen pulled him close for a hug. “Whatever is going on, just know that I’m rooting for you, bro. And for Kyle too, even if he is not here.” she mumbled so quietly Kenny could barely take out her words.

“Well now there is nothing left but to do my best,” Kenny couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you for your help, sis.”

“I’m pretty sure the guardian angel is looking over both of you!”

     Kenny’s breath hitched as he tightened his embrace over Karen like she was the last ray of hope in his current situation.

“Probably. He should get his shit together in this case, because he’s been awful at his job.”

Clutching the file like it contained the world’s most important secrets; he backed out of Karen’s room, scurrying back to his own with Kyle silently tumbling in his wake.

 

 Once he got away from Karen, Kenny basically fell on his bed, quickly tearing out the documents. The girls were kind enough to use highlighters, so he didn’t have to skim through dozens of pages filled with ant-sized letters to find one valuable piece of information.

Most of the paragraphs were about people staying on earth as ghosts and how this connected to unfinished businesses and how to help them get to the other side. Be it through exorcism, or simply solving the problem that nagged the soul in his past life. Sadly, these were unrelated to _their_ problem, so Kenny deliberately skipped them, until his eyes caught a header titled Soul and Body Dissolution.

 

 **_[Soul and Body Dissolution_ ** _is one of the rarest known conditions in occult history. In order for this to happen the subject needs to have a viable body and has to suffer great amount of external shock. In most registered cases 1, the soul registers this shock as a fatal injury and forcefully splits itself off from the body before the onset of clinical death. In case death does not occur and the subject stays alive, the soul might get stuck depending on the level of disengagement.]_

     Alright, Kenny also solved this puzzle up until this point. He skimmed through several pages, while Kyle sat next to him, reading the text over his shoulder and adding his own thoughts to the statement. The next page had several chemical equations, and percentages regarding the first paragraph, however after that another bright yellow highlighted sentence caught his eyes.

_[In known cases, the effect of dissolution disappeared without any visible side effects, as the soul gradually reconnected with its body 15. However, there are records of the bodily functions failing without a will to hold them together. ]_

**_[Will_ ** _, can be described in various ways as it is untouchable and rather abstract. The base theory is, that will is the decision made by a mind, based on the strongest desire. Over the centuries, it was among the most controversial topics in discussions32 because it is almost impossible to explain it and psychologists all came up with their own inerpretations. General opinion on will, that it is a feeling that stimulates living creatures to act and keep thriving and just like emotions, will also has its own subcategories.]_

     This was the part where Kenny had to focus all of his attention on the essay in front of him. Even if the girls did his work, the highlighted still caused his head to spin a little, simply because of the sheer amount of information they tried to dump on him within one sentence topped with dry scientist language. But he had to admit, it was getting interesting.

_[The will to live is the key for all living creatures and it is said to be connected to monetary goals, which can be found even within the fauna of our nature and unicellular organisms. However, this will is vastly different for humans. Personal goals, happiness caused by small pleasures of life and a certain balanced state might maintain the strength of this certain type of will. However, in cases, be it internal or external cause, the will to live might deteriorate in the subject.]_

Kenny couldn’t help but look at Kyle. According to Stan, he didn’t feel good lately and while Kenny had no access to his private account for whatever reasons, it wasn’t impossible that his will to live might have been a cause behind all of this, however this still didn’t explain how the body and the soul split apart. Also Kyle wasn’t the type of person who would just lose his will to live!

     Unfortunately, his expression changed when he reached the next highlighted paragraph that also contained several bold arrows.

_[According to Emil Lindemayer, dissolution may also occur, if the victim of an accident reconciles with their death at the moment, but their will to live suddenly springs into action causing a mixed state, where they both agree and disagree with their own fate. 72]_

_[In the previous article I have mentioned the level of disengagement that creates a repulsive force between soul and body. We can’t neglect the fact that if the victim wishes to return then a gradual improvement will happen within two or three days. However, in case of apathy and if the victim does not wish to return to their life, a reunion might never occur.]_

_[One known case of a failed reunion was recorded in occult history.[…] Without a will and soul organ failures started occurring within the body and not long after that, the subject died of natural cause. The whereabouts of their soul is unknown as communication became impossible after the death of the body. It is not impossible that these cases are actually part of the phenomenon known as Fake Spectre Syndrome, a special case of out of body experiences where the soul is still depends on the body.[…]_

     Kenny just sat there, rereading the same sentences over and over again, playing with the words and trying to tailor them to their current situation. However, the more he thought about it the angrier he became, until he noticed that he is gritting his teeth to stop himself from making a comment that would only hurt Kyle.

     Instead he nonchalantly threw away the stack of papers, scattering them on his bed, then walked to his desk and pulled out a small box from one of his drawers. He didn’t even look at Kyle as he left through the hidden door he had installed into the back of his wardrobe when he was still deeply into dressing up as Mysterion. As he slammed the door shut, the entire house shook from his anger.

 

\- - -

 

     With heavy steps he stomped up on the ladder, almost breaking the rusty steps and he climbed up to the terrace of Sodosopa, or at least what’s left of it. As much as he hated the place when it was new, he was thankful for the quiet it provided and over the years it slowly turned into his number one hiding spot.

     However not even the cool night air could extinguish the scorching anger that bubbled within him. Unlike the previous cases, this felt justified and rightful. Something he couldn’t supress as easily.

     Because Kyle Broflovski was an idiot and a liar on top of that!

     It’s impossible to help someone who doesn’t want to get better in any way!

 

After letting out an angry huff, he opened the small white box and pulled out a slim cigarette. He had no idea how that would help his case, he didn’t even smoke for god’s sake! But it felt like a good excuse to leave behind the room and Kyle, or else the youth would have got a piece of his mind. He half-heartedly lit the cigarette, and watched as the smoke rose toward the sky while he rested his elbows on the railings.

He slowly raised the filter to his lips and regretted almost immediately when he felt a scratchy, burning feeling at the back of his throat. It felt like someone just started burning a piece of Mentos in his mouth, leaving behind not one but two uncomfortable taste. Tobacco and burnt mint. The thought that his sister used to pay money for this terrified Kenny and part of him was  glad that he managed to convince her to quit smoking. This last box was given to him months ago, so he could give them away at parties, because as Karen (who probably heard this from Henrietta) told him “Information is often carried through smoke.” What a load of bull.

After letting out several coughs in order to get rid of the irritating taste, he just went back to watch the cigarette burn, letting the ash flutter down to the ground. So many thoughts were stirred up in his mind and got mixed up with his emotions, it started to get hard to keep track of them, let alone keeping everything under control.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” he heard a voice coming from behind, but he didn’t even bother turning toward Kyle, just flicked another peck of ash to the wet ground.

“I didn’t know you lied,” Kenny threw back the comment. He was wondering what will Kyle do, but he just stood next to him, mirroring Kenny’s position. Silence completely enveloped the two and the only noises that broke through the night were the barks of the local stray dogs.

“I never lied to you. I just didn’t speak about it.” Kyle muttered under his nose earning a judging stare from Kenny.

“That doesn’t make it any better. You can’t go back to your body, because deep down, you don’t want to go back to it….”

“No, you misunderstood the whole situation. I want to go back, I want to wake up, but…” before he could have finished the sentence Kenny cut in, preventing Kyle from continuing his rambling.

“That’s it. That fucking _but!_ ” he told him almost shouting those words. “You either want to wake up, or you don’t! This is no time to make excuses, create conditions and fucking rules! You can’t explain yourself out of this, Kyle! This is not that kind of situation!”

“Well then, _Kenny_ , you have to understand that this is not as easy as it seems! Whenever I think about actually going back, whenever I feel that urge to start over, I realize that my life goes nowhere and I’d be better off––” Kyle was about to start rambling again, hands trembling slightly as if an anxiety attack could hit his physical body in any minute.

“The funny thing is… I don’t have to understand! Not this. I understand you hating Cartman, I understand not being able to face Stan, not facing yourself in the hospital, I had to understand so many things about the past days Kyle, _so many_ , I can’t even count them anymore!” Kenny sighed, but kept his tone stern never even looking at Kyle. “But if you think life has nothing good for you anymore and you die because of this, I’ll personally go after you. Because that’s not how it works Kyle. That’s not how life works!”

Kyle didn’t respond, he joined Kenny, staring at the smoke that rose from the smouldering cigarette. Everything was suffocatingly quiet around them, only Kenny’s occasional fidgeting and the creaking of the rusty rail broke the silence of the serene scene.

“You can talk about it, you know.” Kenny told him at last, almost like he was reading his thoughts.

 

     However, Kyle had no idea what to do with the offer. Talking about something that has been bothering him for years was harder than he thought; this was part of the reason why he made a private account to dump all of his negative thoughts and rants under a virtual rug. He burned enough bridges already, he didn'T need to add more to the graveyard,

     But as he scanned the tiniest flickers of emotions in Kenny’s expression, something told him that even if it’s something trivial and stupid the blond would listen to him. Driven by this conclusion, Kyle tried to begin his explanation, humming at first, beginning the sentence, stopping after a word, then beginning a new one. Admitting that he had problems was harder than trying to justify his current state.

“Problem is, I’m not sure when this started in the first place. I think it happened over years… By the time I looked around and realized that I was alone people have moved on, they all had different priorities. I never tried to pursue them…” he visibly struggled turning his feelings into words. “It was like missing classes then starting to attend in the middle of the year realizing that everything was based on the first five lessons you decided to skip.”

“Like wanting to compete at a dance without practice” Kenny told him a different variation to show that he knew what Kyle was talking about.

“Yes. It’s not like I wanted to grow distant, but it happened because I had to- I chose to focus on what I was told to focus on… then suddenly, when I stood in front of a crossroad, I realized I have no idea why I am there, why I am alive and what do I want to accomplish. I used to be the prodigy, the A+ student that suddenly fell behind and lacked that spark that made him stand out from the mass of people. I was one of the best players in basketball, and I fell behind and ended up as a reserve player! This happened with everything because I focused on the bad goal. But I couldn’t really talk about my problems without feeling weird and Stan wouldn't really help me either.” he started rambling again, but instead of his usual wild gestures Kyle slumped against the rusty rails as his voice slowly grew hoarse. “Mom keeps pressuring me about my future but… Fuck, I don’t even know what I want from my present! All I know is that I don’t want to go to law school and I’m not interested in becoming a lawyer at all…”

     Kenny flicked the ash on the ground, before sighing. “Well, that’s a start. You know what you _don’t_ want to do with your future. What else?”

“What do you mean? What else?” Kyle looked at Kenny like he had just seen the blond murder someone. “I’m pouring my heart out for you and your only reaction is what else?!”

Then, as Kenny shrugged and looked at him encouragingly, it finally hit Kyle. He looked down again, watching as night butterflies and other bugs circled around the lamp right in front of the house. This was a magic trick only Kenny was capable of in their entire town, he not only gave Kyle attention, but wordlessly led him toward conclusions.

“Whenever I looked into the mirror I could see myself as a complete failure. One day, future me would wake up alone, realizing that he dropped out of college, living on temporary jobs without any meaningful relationships. I’ll scroll down Facebook like a maniac, water my crops in a game nobody plays anymore and become green with envy because everyone earned something in life. And I’ll be just lame old Kyle Broflovski who was a smartass at school. When that car hit me, I was willing to accept it. Do you know what was my first thought? I can't miss a day from school!”

“Stupid.”

“Wait, there is more.” Kyle shook his head, if Kenny wanted to hear the whole story, he will get it. However, his voice grew quieter in contrast with his previous outburst. “True, I hated my life, but if these days were truly the last of my life, then I can say, I had wonderful final days and in the end, I regret nothing. Sure, it had its ups and downs, but you gave me some serious happiness.”

“Fuck, Kyle. You're such an idiot. You are not making any sense anymore. We can have more days like this! Even better days! You can’t just give up now!”

     At this point, something broke within Kenny. He stood there, gripping the filter so hard that it started to deform, and permanently took up a completely new shape. Kyle refused to answer, so Kenny had to take the reins from him once again even if he only had his own experiences to work with.

“Look, you don’t know where future leads you and that’s normal. I know, it sucks, but you can’t really do anything about it. And guess, what we have here and now won’t disappear after you wake up, because fuck, you will wake up so I can finally tell you what I wanted to say face to face.”

     Part of Kenny hoped that Kyle will live up to his reputation and keep the topic on how utterly hopeless his life is, so his last sentence would be forgotten. However there was a spark in Kyle’s eyes when he dropped in the idea of keeping a secret that involved the boy in question.

“I’m right here. Whatever you want to say, you can do that now.”

Kenny tensed up.

“That’s not so easy…”

“At this point one would think you wouldn’t keep things away from me.” Kyle persisted. “Especially if they involve me. Who knows maybe that would change my mind about giving up.”

“Kyle, don’t go full Cartman on me.” Kenny warned him, after putting out the cigarette on the rusty metal railing. “If I’d told you now, that would be lackluster.”

“And why?” Kyle leant closer to him. “Why would that be lackluster?”

“First of all,” Kenny couldn’t believe that he was really doing this. “No physical contact. No direct feedback. Most importantly, if I fuck up I wouldn’t be able to grab your hand before you storm away and ask you to forget all of that.”

“Okay…? Why would I storm away, though?” Kyle asked vaguely, but this time he seemed to follow Kenny’s train of thoughts without feeling the need to derail it.

“Right, I missed the part where you smash the door in my face.” he laughed weakly, trying to joke his way out of the situation.

“Ken. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.”

     Kyle let out an exasperated sigh, making as dramatic as it was possible through gestures.

“Maybe if you would tell me it would help me wake up, you know?”

“But.. I... “ it was hard to say. Talking was never his forte. Talking about emotions? Even worse. Proclaiming his love for his crush? Now that was his kryptonite! He stood there like a deer in the headlight, desperately trying to think up a way to get his ideas across. He even thought about jumping over the railings to escape from Kyle. 

     In the end, he closed his eyes focusing on the streetlamp as he tried to calm his thoughts. Kyle was right. He was honest about his feelings and now it was Kenny’s turn.

But how could he make Kyle understand…? Then he remembered the request… That small gesture of kindness he asked from Stan that could be his aid in this awkward situation if his timing is right. However, this knowledge still didn’t stop the trembling of his legs, or the heart that wildly beat against his ribcage, like a bird desperately looking for an escape route out of a mine.

“Don’t move an inch,” he told Kyle, voice so quiet it was quickly gobbled up by the silence of the night. The redhead only nodded in confusion but as Kenny slowly leant closer to him he finally started to piece everything together.

The small gestures.

The comments he decided to ignore.

The impossibility of the situation.

On that day Stan was not teasing Kenny for nothing… For once, Cartman was not ripping on them because of baseless assumptions…

Nothing in the past days happened without a reason and somewhere deep down Kyle wanted to cry for being so blind. He wanted to let go of his emotions. To sob, to cry to wail. Anything to proclaim his frustration to the world!

Because as those soft lips touched his, he felt nothing. And likewise, Kenny probably felt cold air hitting his face. Even if Kyle would’ve given everything for the ability to kiss him back, without a body he just couldn’t adapt to the situation.

he felt terribly empty, as if that kiss suddenly gave him everything then took it all in a second.

However, as Kenny leant away from him Kyle had to realize that their pain was mutual. The boy softly sniffled as tears rolled down his face, as he waited for a reaction.

And truth to be told Kyle never felt so lost in his life. He forced a smile but his expression mirrored Kenny’s with perfect accuracy.

“You were right. It was lackluster,” his voice grew hoarse and even if no tears came to his image, Kyle felt a weird sensation, as something cold and wet make its way toward his ears, he tried to sweep the wetness away with his hands, but his body wouldn’t obey.

His real heart was breaking, he was sure of that.

“You have no idea how important you are to me…” Kenny stepped closer to him, their forms almost touched. “Kyle, I'd survive hundreds of deaths but I refuse to live in a world without you and yet you keep repeating that stupidity about giving up on your life…”

The redhead opened his mouth, not knowing how to answer.

However, before he managed to voice his thoughts, Kyle felt warmth on his right hand. Someone held it, then gave it a strong squeeze. He was pretty sure the timing was not coincidence… that sneaky bastard. As if Kenny could see into the future… However, two could play at this game!

“You should live for me instead,” Kyle told him weakly. “Dying a hundred deaths sounds painful.”

“Oh, you don’t know half of it.” Kenny sniffled a smirk forcing its way to his lips.

 

In the end both of them were idiots who kept living in complete obliviousness. If this isn’t enough to get back Kyle’s will to live then Kenny ultimately ran out of options.

It took sometime to get back to their previous routine, however neither of them could say a word or add anything to the previous confession.

“You know, this reminded me of something,” Kyle started. Kenny looked his way but Kyle kept staring at the heaps of junk that were scattered in front of their house. “You never said thanks to me for posing as Mysterion and taking the fall for you when we were ten.”

“What?” Kenny blurted out. If Kyle wanted to get him sidetracked he was doing an awful job at it.

“Not even a token of your appreciation.”

“I unmasked myself. That’s kind of a big deal among superheroes.”

     At this point Kyle snorted.

“One unmasking for two weeks of being grounded.”

“Alright, Ky. Then what do you want?”

     A pregnant silence, a sly and calculating smirk and Kenny just knew where this conversation was heading to.

“They say Denny’s has some good stuff on their menu. Doesn’t have to be now, you can take me when we are twenty or even older. But you have to take me there at least once.”

"As in... like a date?"

"No, it will be a date." Kyl corrected him. 

     Kenny was speechless and his face reflected surprise while his cheeks took on livelier colours. His previous anger and sorrow was washed away by the soft drizzle around them. Kyle never mentioned anything about Kenny forgetting him and going on with his life and the fact that he dragged the blond into long term promises, meant that something changed along the way.

     He scooted closer to Kyle, searching for warmth that was way too far away from him.

“How did we end up like this?” he muttered under his breath pulling his orange parka over his head.

“I got hit by a car, I guess.”

     As a response Kenny wanted to shove Kyle with his shoulders but their bodies never connected and he almost lost balance in the process.

“This sucks.”

“Yeah. If you want to shove me, you have to go to the hospital,” Kyle pondered next to him with a bitter smile.

As if on cue Kenny’s phone started buzzing after a rapid string of messages suddenly hit his inbox. Whoever sent him those had little to zero patience to write proper sentences and managed to hit the send button after almost every word. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket before the beginning of the string of messages completely disappears in the depth of their conversation history. He scrolled over the messages, leaving out a strings of “Dude” written with random capitalisation. Even then, he couldn’t really make out much thanks to the typos and switched up letters, but it had to do something with Kyle.

“I think we are about to go to the hospital,” he looked at the redhead. His previous tone was completely gone, replaced by something that was very much like the remnants of Mysterion. “Are you ready to face your body?”

“Seeing myself hooked up to machines? Not really. And I’m pretty sure visiting hours just ended.” Kyle argued shaking his head.

“Since when did that stop any of us?” Kenny flashed him a a confident smile upon feeling Kyle’s hesitation. Obviously, he didn’t want to go near his own comatosed body, but the blond had a feeling this was a now or never situation and a necessary bad to turn things around. 

Sliding down the ladder both of them broke into a run to hopefully reunite Kyle and his body.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is. Kyle's chapter and the cat is finally out of the bag!
> 
> I think the phenomenon is quite common among people who were hailed as prodigies when they were young, got used to validation and compliments, being number 1, but as they grew up they slowly "grew out" of the limelight. Kyle alone could probably handle that, but in his case we have his family, most importantly his mother, who could and would pursue him into decisions Kyle wouldn't really make and everything would spiral downward from there...
> 
> The title of this chapter is actually from the Dear Evan hansen musical. It helped me a lot when I was only collecting thoughts for their conversation.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from a book a friend made me read. John Dies at the End by David Wong. It was a crazy adventure, but this story only shares the title nothing else. (I mean if CampCamp could get away with it...) Also here it is. The Feels Train called "we both suffer in a ghost AU".
> 
> Writing this chapter so none of them notices what's going on was a challenge.


End file.
